There is a blog post that I wrote but can’t post.

Personally, I have no issue with putting someone on blast when it is well deserved. And believe me, the person about whom I wrote the post deserves it.

This is a person whom I have been nothing but kind to, yet they have been an absolute snot towards me. It’s always been behind my back, and it’s always been done in a way that makes it seem not directed at me; but we all know that it is.

Treating me badly is one thing. I can get over that, limit my contact with them as needed, and move on. But treating someone I love badly—now that is a crime I will not forgive. Treating someone I love badly, while giving me the middle finger, and then trying to become the victim? That’s liable to put me right over the edge. And oh, it has.

Out of respect for other parties involved, I am keeping all the sordid details saved as a draft on my computer… at least for now. Maybe one day I will have the green light to break the silence on this one. For now, I will have to be satisfied by this vague post, and the thin hope that it is read and understood by this person who so badly deserves to be raked over the coals.

I can’t express all of the rage I feel in words the way I would like to, but I can share these lyrics. These are all from songs on a playlist of mine called “Vigilante Shit”, and these are the words that I relate to the most right now.

“thanK you aIMee” by Taylor Swift

All that time you were throwing punches
I was building something
And I can’t forgive the way you made me feel
Screamed, “Fuck you, _____” to the night sky
As the blood was gushing
But I can’t forget the way you made me heal

And it wasn’t a fair fight, or a clean kill
Each time that _____ stomped across my grave
And then she wrote headlines in the local paper
Laughing at each baby step I’d take
And it was always the same searing pain
But I prayed that one day, I could say

All that time you were throwing punches
I was building something
And I couldn’t wait to show you it was real

I wrote a thousand songs that you find uncool
I built a legacy that you can’t undo
But when I count the scars, there’s a moment of truth
That there wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you

And maybe you’ve reframed it
And in your mind, you never beat my spirit black and blue
I don’t think you’ve changed much
And so I changed your name and any real defining clues
And one day, your kid comes home singing
A song that only us two is gonna know is about you ’cause

All that time you were throwing punches
It was all for nothing.

“Vigilante Shit” by Taylor Swift

You did some bad things, but I’m the worst of them
Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie
They say looks can kill and I might try

Ladies always rise above
Ladies know what people want
Someone sweet and kind and fun
The lady simply had enough

I don’t start shit but I can tell you how it ends.

“abcdefu” by GAYLE

I was tryin’ to be nice
But nothing’s getting through, so let me spell it out
A-B-C-D-E, F-U
And your mom and your sister and your job
And your broke-ass car and that shit you call art
Fuck you and your friends that I’ll never see again
Everybody but your dog, you can all fuck off

“Cross My Heart I Hope U Die” by Meg Smith

Save me your excuse
Before it leaves your lips
You’ve tied the noose
And then you let it slip from under you
I hope that hell feels good

You’re gone and buried
The cemetery
(Oh) ain’t it scary?
R.I.P. you’re dead to me

“MEAN!” by Madeline The Person

One thing I like about me is that I’m nothing like you and I never will be
Someone who loves how it sounds when they speak
You’re not telling the truth, no, you’re just being mean

Had this look in your eye like you won (ooh, ooh, ooh)
Oh, but I can’t be surprised
You care less the more damage you’ve done (ooh, ooh, ooh)
I’m glad you’re working through all your issues
Projecting on me will never be the way to fix you.

“I hope ur miserable until ur dead” by Nessa Barrett

I still hear your voice, tryna rip my world to pieces
But I’m not your toy, you can break and leave there bleeding
The damage is done, moving on if I’m ready or not
But you drag me through mud, here I come now, I’m petty as fuck
(I’m petty as fuck)

I hope you never fall in love again
I hope you be yourself and lose your friends
I hope they call you out for shit you said
I hope you’re miserable until you’re dead
I hope you’re miserable, oh
So fucking miserable, oh
I hopе you’re miserable
I hopе you’re miserable until you’re dead

Been keeping your shit to myself
If I said it out loud, you’d be burning in Hell
And I can make everybody hate you, almost as much as you hate yourself
But I won’t ’cause (I won’t)
I know (I know), one day it’ll come around
But fuck you for now

“Wish You the Worst” by Ryan Mack

The worst thing about you is your ego, you’re so damn evil
You try to get to me by talking shit to other people
On a keyboard, not the real world when I see ya
‘Cause you’re you’re just another diva talking shit behind a screen

And I know, I know
That I should just forget about you
But oh, oh-oh
I’ve got something that I’m dying to say

When you’re out on a date and you order dessert
I hope you spill and it stains on your favorite shirt
And when you’re trying to pay, I hope your card doesn’t work
Yeah, I wish you the worst, I wish you the worst

And I hope I never ever see you again
Yeah, fuck you and all of your friends
You can all go to hell, I’ll be driving the hearse
Toss a coin in the well and I wish you the worst
Yeah, I wish you the worst

“Gives You Hell” by The All-American Rejects

When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
If you find a (wo)man that’s worth a damn and treats you well
Then (s)he’s a fool, you’re just as well, hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you’ll be thinkin’ to yourself
Yeah, where’d it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on

Now, you’ll never see what you’ve done to me
You can take back your memories, they’re no good to me
And here’s all your lies, you can look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look that you wear so well

“Karma” by Taylor Swift

You’re talking shit for the hell of it
Addicted to betrayal, but you’re relevant
You’re terrified to look down

‘Cause if you dare, you’ll see the glare
Of everyone you burned just to get there
It’s coming back around

And I keep my side of the street clean
You wouldn’t know what I mean.

‘Cause karma is my (husband)
Karma is a god
Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend
Karma’s a relaxing thought
Aren’t you envious that for you it’s not?
Sweet like honey, karma is a cat
Purring in my lap ’cause it loves me
Flexing like a goddamn acrobat
Me and karma vibe like that

‘Cause karma is the thunder
Rattling your ground
Karma’s on your scent like a bounty hunter
Karma’s gonna track you down
Step by step from town to town
Sweet like justice, karma is a queen
Karma takes all my friends to the summit
Karma is the guy on the screen
Coming straight home to me

“This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” by Taylor Swift

This is why we can’t have nice things, darlin’
Because you break them, I had to take them away
This is why we can’t have nice things, honey (oh)
Did you think I wouldn’t hear all the things you said about me?
This is why we can’t have nice things
It was so nice being friends again
There I was, giving you a second chance
But you stabbed me in the back while shakin’ my hand

And therein lies the issue, friends don’t try to trick you
Get you on the phone and mind-twist you
And so I took an axe to a mended fence
But I’m not the only friend you’ve lost lately
If only you weren’t so shady