Lately, I’ve been discovering that I have the freedom to change my mind. Maybe this sounds weird to you. Of course I can change my mind, why wouldn’t I be able to?
Well, for me, I guess I have always felt that changing my mind was almost a form of lying. I’ve felt that when I make a decision, I should stick to it. I don’t want to be known as a person who just says things, and then doesn’t follow through. That’s a pet peeve of mine, in fact.
But lately, I’ve realized that sometimes, changing my mind is okay. It doesn’t mean I’m an unreliable person, it means I’m a changing person. I evolve, and grow, my situation changes, and so on. I am now embracing my freedom to change my mind!
It feels good.
I’ve changed my mind about two things, recently. One is kind of small, and the other is pretty big.
The small one was adopting a kitten. I have said many times that I didn’t want more than one cat. I have also said that I don’t need any more pets right now. And, I have said that I don’t ever want to adopt a kitten, because grown cats are better for several reasons. Well, I changed my mind. And it was a great decision!
I love my new kitten, Leo. He’s very outgoing, friendly, and affectionate. Every time I get a new pet, I feel that our family is more complete. Many people may not understand why I would want four dogs and two cats, especially when I already have two young children to look after. But I love pets! I find joy in taking care of them and providing them a good home. I love knowing that my children will grow up being comfortable around animals, including dogs of all sizes.
For now, we have to stop adding to our pets, simply because we cannot legally own any more dogs. The limit is four in our city. As for cats, we don’t have room in this house for a third litter box, so two is our maximum. And I am not comfortable housing small animals without providing them their own secure room, after what happened to the guinea pigs. So as long as we live where we do, we are at capacity.
But I am not going to say that there won’t be any more additions once we eventually move to a bigger home. We have a dream of moving to a ranch house and owning some livestock, and adding several more small animals to our family. Until then, I’m quite content with things as they are.
The bigger decision I recently changed my mind about is having more children. I said that after Abigail, I was done with pregnancy. But I still want at least one more baby, and something doesn’t feel right to me about adopting a newborn when I know that I am able to have children biologically. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with it, but I just don’t feel like it’s what we’re supposed to do. I still want to adopt older children later on, but right now, I’m not done with raising babies.
And truthfully, even though pregnancy is really hard for me, and birth is also challenging, it’s also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I’m not ready to be done with it. I want to do it again!
The one thing I want to do different for baby #3 is to wait until Abigail is done nursing before getting pregnant. I had to wean Cody before I was really ready (even though he was over two years old), because it was too painful to nurse when I became pregnant with Abigail. I convinced myself that I would nurse him again when the baby was born, but by that time, it didn’t feel right to go back and of course I never did nurse him again.
Also, being pregnant when he was that age, just barely done being a baby, was hard. I was detached from him because of my discomfort, and I feel like I missed that stage of his life. I feel like weaning and then my pregnancy really changed our relationship in a way I wasn’t ready for.
So, I want to avoid that this time around. As such, we are planning to wait until Abigail is about three years old to start trying to conceive. If she hasn’t weaned herself by then, I am comfortable weaning her when I get pregnant. Cody will also be six years old by the time I’m pregnant with baby #3, and that will make things a lot easier.
Right now, Cory is on board with having another baby, but he isn’t convinced about having a fourth. I will be 29 during my next pregnancy if all goes according to plan. I’d want a similar age gap between #3 and #4, and I don’t really care to have another baby past age 35, so that gives us a lot of time to decide what we want to do. Personally, I am hoping for four babies, but who knows what will happen. Only God, of course. 🙂
The future looks bright! I feel energized by looking ahead, planning, and dreaming. I’m discovering that giving myself the freedom to change my mind makes it even more fun. I am still on the adventure of life, discovering what God has for me.