Yesterday, my hubby and I were discussing our concerns about the way that most people seem to view marriage. For many people, it seems that relationships in general are considered to be mysterious and unpredictable. In this view, whether or not a marriage will work depends on luck and statistics more than anything else. After all, you can’t control how you feel and you never know if one day you might just fall out of love! And if that happens, then divorce is the best solution, because you deserve to be happy, right?

Wrong, wrong, wrong! I mean, yes, everybody has the right to strive for happiness, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But when it comes to love, there is more to it than this. Love doesn’t just exist to make us happy, and it is not something that we should only look for from other people. Love can bring us great happiness, but it can also test us and bring us sorrow. And in any case, the greater gift is not receiving love, but giving it to others.

When it comes to relationships and marriage in particular, love is first and foremost a choice. It is a verb, not a noun. Your relationship doesn’t depend on whether or not you manage to capture and hold on to love— it depends on your ability to give and receive it no matter what else happens in your life. I know that I will never get divorced or separated from my husband, because I choose to love him no matter what. Fortunately, he also promises to do the same. Because of that, I know that not only will we always be together, but we will always be happy together. That is what we choose.

I find it tragic that so many other people settle for less. They chase after romance and the rush of falling in love, and ditch out at the first sign of boredom or commitment. People leave their husbands, wives, or significant others with the excuses of “I just don’t love him/her anymore,” or “we’ve drifted apart,” or “I’m too young/old/rich/poor/ugly/pretty/mature/immature/various-other-excuses to be happy with this commitment.” Relationships are valued for what they can give you, instead of what you can give to them. Possibly even more tragic than the breakups and divorces, though, are the cases in which people stubbornly stay in miserable relationships. They refuse to leave, which can be a good thing, but they also refuse to do something about the situation. The point of a relationship isn’t to make you happy every minute of every day, but neither is it to turn you into a hardened, miserable, joyless person. The point of a relationship is love, to give and to receive, and staying in a relationship that doesn’t involve love is not any better than leaving one. The third, and in my opinion the only suitable option, is to make a change. Unfortunately, that often seems to be the last thought for many people.

I understand it to some degree. I know that change can be hard. In fact, sometimes even wanting to change can be hard. The problem is that people, by themselves, often lack the right attitude and willpower to desire and then follow through with necessary changes. And because of that, things never get better. Eventually, they are bound to fall apart.

While we were talking yesterday, Cory jokingly said that there should be some kind of law to ban divorce except under extenuating circumstances. Then, after thinking about it, he revised his idea to just making it harder to get married. But even this, we realized, would not fix the situation. There is no good way to legally prevent people from getting married or divorced. The problem isn’t with the system, it’s with the people. Thinking about this led me to a conclusion that I find myself coming to quite often, with a plethora of different problems. As usual, the answer is God.

You see, our world has a major problem. The problem is us. I mean, it really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that we’ve made a nasty mess out of things on this planet. Trying to think of ways to solve all of our world’s problems usually makes me feel depressed, because I quickly realize that we can’t solve much of anything. We can alleviate, sometimes, but rarely if ever can we actually solve the issues in our world. It’s just the sad truth, the reality of who we are as humans. There will always be evil, greedy, corrupt, violent, apathetic, and heartless people in our world. To be honest, there will always be evil, greedy, corrupt, violent, apathetic, and heartless moments in each of us. For as long as we are human, we will make human errors. There is nothing we can do to change that, and so our problems will never be solved by us.

But God is not us. He is not human. (Despite the fact that Jesus was human, he was also simultaneously God, and honestly this is a topic for a whole separate post so I’m not going to get into it now.) Because God is, well, God, he can solve any and all problems. And one day, He will! Until then, though, we at least have something that can change the whole equation of our human + relationship = fail situation. You see, God provides help for us.

God can change attitudes, provide strength, offer encouragement, and bring hope. He can heal broken relationships, strengthen mediocre ones, and give endurance to great ones. He will do these things for the people who seek his help. God is the secret ingredient that can protect and preserve a marriage forever, if you let him.

When it comes to relationships, I understand and realize that not every one of them is meant to last. Before the commitment to marriage is made, it is fair and understandable to leave a relationship, even a long-term one, for the right reasons. But the key words here are for the right reasons. In my opinion, a relationship should never be entered if you don’t believe that this person could be someone you would one day choose to marry. Dating just for fun may sound good, but there is a difference between dating and being in a relationship. As soon as you give a piece of your heart to someone, and take a piece of theirs, you are in a relationship. That may mean different things for different people, but I don’t believe that it should ever be taken lightly. Love is capable of causing great ecstasy, but it is also capable of causing great wounds. In any romantic relationship, even if you have not made any commitments or promises to each other, you have the power to deeply wound the other person. With that power, comes great responsibility.

The first relationship a person has is usually not going to be their last, and that may be unavoidable. Still, a great deal of pain could be avoided if we took love more seriously and gave as much concern to the other person as we give to ourselves.

Love isn’t always easy, but it doesn’t have to be a game of chance. It can be chosen, and with God’s help, it can last forever. I’m in the process of proving it right now.

On February 24, Cory and I commemorated our five year anniversary as a couple. I didn’t write a post about it because it wasn’t our wedding anniversary, but I wanted to at least say something. Five years deserves some bragging rights, doesn’t it? 😉

Happy belated five year dating anniversary honey! I love you forever and ever! <3