In a marriage, I believe that it is important to be best friends. To be completely honest, I think that it is important to be best friend before you get married, but if you can’t manage that then I would at least try to develop your friendship after you get married.

What is a best friend, though? I’ve heard many people say that their spouse (or boyfriend, fiance, etc.) is their best friend. Yet to me, it seems that many people say this simply because it sounds nice. “I married my best friend,” they say, or “my best friend is my wife.” How sweet! But what does that really mean?

To me, a best friend is somebody who you can (and want to) tell absolutely everything. A best friend is a person who you can be yourself with; you can let yourself go and not worry in the slightest about them judging you. (Of course, this goes both ways. You don’t judge them either!) A best friend is that person who you would do anything for, and who would do anything for you.

I can honestly say that I talk to my husband about my deepest feelings, my darkest secrets, and my most personal issues. Nothing is embarrassing between us! I don’t have to hide anything from him; not the good, the bad, or the ugly. I love him unconditionally and nothing could ever change that. I also know that there is nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice for Him (except for God of course), and that he would do the same for me. And that is why I know that we are in this until the end. Because he is my best friend, not just my lover. He is my second priority in the entire universe behind God, and fortunately, I feel pretty confident that God would never ask me to choose between them.

Being best friends with your spouse has a great number of benefits. First of all, it strengthens your commitment. Often in romantic relationships, people focus on their own needs and desires. In a healthy and strong friendship, however, the happiness and needs of the other person take on greater importance. Approaching a marriage from that perspectives gives it much greater strength. It is no longer about two people mutually benefiting from the other person; instead, it’s about two people who care about each other enough to put their concerns second to the other person’s.  Thus, the marriage and commitment is much stronger.

Second of all, being best friends helps you survive the long haul. Simply put, if you enjoy the company of your spouse, it will be much easier to spend the rest of your life with them. Why is it that friendships often seem to last longer than many marriages nowadays? I think it’s because people get married when they are in love, but people stay in friendships because they genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Don’t get me wrong, love is important (as is attraction and compatibility). But love, attraction, and compatibility are frankly not enough. Friendship is a vital component to a healthy and happy marriage, and being best friends makes it that much easier to keep your vows ’til death do you part (not to mention into eternity.) Not to mention that it makes things so much more fun!

The third benefit of being best friends with your spouse is that it leads to a deeper level of closeness. Being able to talk to your spouse about everything and anything is the key to emotional connectedness. Another point I’d like to make here is that if you have a friend who you are emotionally closer to than you are to your spouse, than I see that as a problem. Don’t get me wrong, it’s n0t a problem to be very emotionally close to a friend; it’s just that you should be as emotionally connected to your spouse as possible, and if you aren’t as close to him or her as you are to one of your friends, than you aren’t reaching your maximum marital potential for closeness. In other words, your spouse should be your ultimate best friend and the person who you are closest to in the world. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend and you aren’t at this level with them yet, then I strongly advise that you get there before you decide to get married.

Now, about friends outside of marriage. I’ve discussed this a bit in a previous blog post, “Friends,” but I’d like to touch base on it once more. In my humble opinion, friendships outside of marriage should not be closer than your actual marriage. However, I do believe in the strong need for close friends outside of your marriage. Specifically, I think it is vital to have close friends of the same sex outside of marriage (and not so much close friends of the opposite sex, because that can be very dangerous no matter what your excuses may be).

I think this is important mainly because marriage can feel a bit stifling to some, and it is important to avoid smothering your spouse. Spending time with people outside of your romantic relationship is good for your own emotional health (bigger is always better as far as support networks go), as well as for the relational health of your marriage. This goes for men and women! Husbands, find yourself some close guy friends and wives, find yourself some good girl friends who you can grow with. If you’re a Christian, your closest friends should also be Christians so that they can be accountability partners as well as on the same page as you when it comes to basic life choices. Do this and I guarantee you will feel more fulfilled, well-balanced, and probably even closer to God.

So, those are my thoughts on best friends. Your spouse should be your first, but you should definitely have seconds. Both of these things are essential to a fantastic marriage, which currently, I can gladly say that I have. I say this not to brag (after all, I’ve only been married for three months), but to encourage. If everybody married their best friend, I think the status of marriage in our country would improve tremendously. That’s because true best friends are forever, and so is God’s plan for marriage.

Now, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go spend some time with my best friend in the world. =]

As a Christian, I believe it is important to give back to God for everything He has given me, and one of the ways that I do that is through ministry. For those of you unfamiliar with church terms, ministry basically just means volunteering for the church. There are tons of ways to volunteer at a church, from helping welcome people to services, to keeping the physical church clean, to serving outside of the physical church in an outreach project. I believe that God has given us all different gifts, interests, and callings partially so that we can use them to serve. My two biggest interests/talents have to do with writing and children, and I’ve decided to use my way with kids to serve God.  I do this by helping take care of the kids on Sunday mornings, and I specialize in infants.

Taking care of the babies every Sunday is one of the most rewarding parts of my week! I love spending time with those adorable babies, and I love getting to know my fellow leaders. The best part is, I know that I’m making a difference because I get to help give parents the opportunity to attend service without the distraction of crying babies, and I get to help make sure the kids know that they are loved. Serving is definitely rewarding!

Another way that I give back is through tithing. Tithing is another church term that means donating money to the church. Now, the real purpose of this is not to “pay your dues” to the church or to try to make your church the wealthiest in town. The purpose of tithing is more symbolic than that; it represents the fact that you don’t really own your own belongings, including your money, and that you are happy to give it away to further God’s kingdom. It’s a way to acknowledge that everything you have comes from God, and that you wouldn’t be able to earn any money without God’s help and blessings. It is a way that Christians learn to loosen their grip on their money and earthly possessions, and instead focus on building up treasure in Heaven (for God promises to reward us for our service to Him when we get to Heaven).

The Bible specifically requests that believers give 10% of our earnings back to God. My husband and I follow this commandment faithfully, and God has blessed us financially! We see our money for what it is—a way to provide for our needs. Because of this, we spend our money wisely, thank God for providing it, give Him back what He requests or more when we can afford it, and try to have an attitude of generosity. To me, helping out a friend with some extra money or donating to a charity is my duty. I have extra money and I don’t need it, but they do. God gave me the money in the first place, so giving it to somebody else in need is something I can do joyfully.

I’m not telling you these things to brag, I promise. The only thing I’ll brag about is how great my God is! I’m telling you these things because I want to share the joy of giving. I want to show non-believers that God is a good God, who loves us and takes care of us, and changes us in ways that make us so much better! I want to show believers that following God is not an aspect of life, it is a lifestyle choice. It should change the way you think and act. God will change you if you sincerely try to follow Him, immersing yourself in His word, His people, and His spirit. And when you do, it is life changing. There is no life like a life lived walking side-by-side with God!

But, nobody is perfect. Even as a Christian woman chasing after God, I have plenty of issues. Even though I do give back to God on a regular basis with my time and money, many of my problems are related to giving. The problem is that I don’t give enough. I give my 10% tithe and I give up 2 or 3 hours a week for the children’s ministry. I occasionally give a generous gift to a friend or family member or donate extra money to a charity. But in general, if I was perfectly honest, I would have to admit that I give the bare minimum.

A couple of weeks ago, my brother got into a car accident and totaled his car. He was lucky enough to receive a good deal on a rental car for a few days, but it started to add up and he still had a while to go until he found a new car to replace it. A few days after the accident, my dad approached me and asked if I would consider loaning my car to my brother for a week or so.

At first, my gut reaction was, “great, how am I going to get out of this?” My car is like a pet to me. She has a name (it’s Stella), and I treasure her for the blessing that she is. I was extremely fortunate to be given a practically brand new car for my graduation present, and I’ve always been grateful for that. A car is a huge advantage to have in life, both practically and financially. I never take that for granted. I show my gratitude partially by driving my car with care and keeping her well-maintained.

My brother is not a bad driver (any more), but I’m still not 100% confident that he is careful enough to be worthy of Stella. As I’ve said before, she is my treasure. So when my dad asked me to lend her to my brother, I was very resistant to the idea. How could he ask me that? She’s mine!

Except that she’s not. God quickly reminded me that nothing I think I own is really mine. He gave me everything I have, and He can take it all away. I’m glad that He hasn’t taken it all away, of course, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s all His. I have no right to deny my brother, who is also my brother in Christ, such a small favor as to lend him my car for a week or so. And so, I did. And it’s hard! I miss driving my own car, and I’m looking forward to getting her back. But I’m also really happy that I was able to let go of her to help my brother.

The moral of the story is that giving is not always easy. As a Christian, God has given me a desire to give back, but that doesn’t mean that money and possessions still don’t have a hold on me. But following God with all of my heart means abandoning everything else that I might be tempted to put before him. That’s why I know that I need to work on being more selfless, generous, and others-focused when it comes to my  time, my money, and my stuff.

What about you? How do you see your time, money, and belongings? I encourage you to work towards becoming more like God by loosening your grip on earthly possessions. Not only will it glorify God and create a Christian community in which brothers and sisters in Christ truly take care of one another, but it will also help free you from the bonds of materialism. Giving feels great, and learning to give without hesitation is a great way to take a step closer to God.

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?”

−Matthew 6:25-27

Today, I spent some of my time volunteering for the children’s program at my church. I helped teach the kindergarten class a Bible story, and ended up getting a lot more out of it than I expected.  I was reminded of an important spiritual discipline because of the story that we taught the children; it was a lesson on patience.

The theme of the night was “waiting for God,” and essentially we tried to teach the kids that sometimes (a lot of the time), we don’t get what we want right away. We have to wait for it, and we have to be patient while we wait. We told them the Bible story about Joseph, a man who spent a lot of time patiently enduring the unfortunate circumstances that life took him through. The moral of the story was that sometimes we go through things in life that we don’t like, and we might not understand why we’re going through them. But if we want to be focused on God, then we should be patient and wait for God to reveal His will for us. We can do this with faith because we know that God loves us and has good plans for us.

This lesson was simple, but profound. It was a good reminder for me to enjoy my life every day, and not just wait for something I think will be better in the future. Even though I’m excited to transfer to my new college at the end of this semester and move onto the next stage in my life, I know that the timing isn’t right at this moment. I need to finish this semester first to complete the courses that I’ve already started, some of which will transfer to my new school. There would be no point for me to withdraw from my university right now because classes at my new school don’t start until January, and I would have nothing to do between now and then, which wouldn’t be good for me. And most importantly, I feel that God is calling me to stay at my current school until the end of the semester to wrap up a lot of my ties there in a healthier way than I could if I just left all of a sudden. Yes, it’s pretty clear to me that God is telling me to wait right now, because things will be much better in the future if I do.

Sometimes, of course, it may not be that clear when God is asking us to wait, and when He is telling us to go. Some people seem to believe that waiting for God just means waiting. When my husband and I decided to get married, for instance, we were told that we should trust God and wait for the right time. They felt that it wasn’t the right time and that we needed to wait. But what did they base this opinion on? Was it really God? I don’t think so. Cory and I felt that God was giving us the green light to get married because we were both ready. But those people told us that waiting was a more Godly decision, and I have a suspicion that it had a lot more to do with their own personal biases than it had to do with God’s will for us. You see, waiting for God doesn’t simply mean waiting. We are allowed to make decisions and take action, when the time is right. The trick is to seek God’s will earnestly and patiently, and then make a decision and act on it. Of course, the first part is much harder than it sounds.

So how exactly do we seek God’s will earnestly and patiently? I wrote about this in detail in my post a couple of weeks ago called “Decisions, Decisions…”, and I went through my whole system of Godly decision making. Now, the only problem with that is that I’m not God. I can’t tell you that my way is the right way or that my way is the way that God would want you to do it. All I can tell you is that I think that my way of seeking God’s will is as close as I can get to the way God wants me to do it right now. So take it or leave it, but if you decide to leave it then just try to remember this one thing; seek God’s will in the best way that you know how, and make sure that it’s compatible with the God that we know from the Bible, because He’s the real deal.

To sum up, here is my system: pray, listen, research, seek counsel, take care of yourself, and love others. Pray to ask God what His will for you is; listen for His answer; research His nature in the Bible; seek the counsel of other Christians you trust; take care of your needs; and put loving others above your own desires. If one or more of these steps doesn’t seem to yield results, then that’s ok. What are the results of the other steps telling you? Start there. If none of these steps seems to yield results (as in, you don’t really hear a clear “right answer” from God through any of these avenues), then perhaps you are putting too much thought into it. Are you trying to seek God’s will on what pair of shoes you should buy? Chances are, He’s alright with either choice. If it’s a serious decision you are trying to make, though, then He probably has a specific plan for you. So if you aren’t hearing anything, then it’s probably because you are hearing exactly what He wants you to hear; His silence. He’s telling you to wait.

When God tells you to wait, that doesn’t mean to stop seeking Him. Continue praying, focusing on thanking Him for his goodness and requesting the things that you need. Continue to live in a way that pleases God, even in the middle of your waiting. Be patient, knowing that God has great plans for you. Celebrate today for the fact that it is one day closer to the thing you are waiting for, but also just because it is one more day that you get to be an agent of God wherever you are. Delight in the joy that God has for you today and look forward to the future with hope.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” –Jeremiah 29:11

Sometimes in life, you will find yourself in a place that you don’t want to be. It may be a job you don’t like, an unhappy marriage, a lower financial status than you’d hoped for, or many other things. In some of these situations, it may be appropriate to try to make a change. Seeking a new job that you enjoy more may be a good thing, for instance. However, in many of those types of circumstances, it is simply a matter of learning contentment. Remember, God allows trials in our lives to mature us spiritually. You can’t and shouldn’t change things every time you don’t like them; you shouldn’t get a divorce, recklessly quit your job without thinking, or start buying everything you’ve ever wanted on your credit card just because you’re unhappy. Instead, you need to learn contentment.

The key to being content is relying on God for joy, instead of seeking it in the circumstances of your life. If you are depending on yourself to make changes in order to find happiness, then that happiness will never be permanent. Permanent joy can only come from God, and learning to be content in any situation is one of the keys to finding that joy in Him. Of course, sometimes changes do need to be made.

So when is it right to change your situation, and when do you need to learn to be content? Well, maybe there’s a middle ground for some situations. For instance, although you should not get divorced, you also shouldn’t have to just accept an unhappy marriage. A middle ground here could be working on your marriage in the areas that can be improved, and working on contentment in the areas that can’t (because no spouse will ever be perfect). In some cases, it would be better for you to learn to be content with the way things are. If you have enough money to live a healthy life but not enough to make you “happy,” then you should work on being content with what you have and killing your idolization of money. In other cases, you should not try to learn contentedness at all. If you are being abused, for example, getting out of that situation is an important and God-honoring change for you to make. 

Here are my guidelines for when to make changes in life:

1) If the situation you are in is hurting you or others, then change the situation (and remember to do so in a loving way.)

2) If the situation you are in is causing you serious discontentment despite continuously seeking joy through God, then make a change where appropriate. More importantly, continue learning contentedness through God in the areas you can’t change.

And finally,

3) If the situation you are in is causing you discontentment and you are not seeking joy through God, then don’t change your situation, but do change your attitude to one of God-seeking contentedness. Remember that God is the only source of true joy! Work on surrendering your earthly desires to Him and focusing on Godly desires instead.

I’ve recently had to put this system to the test.

I am currently a college student at a private university near my home, where I’m working towards my bachelor’s degree in Liberal Arts. I’m a sophomore, and I’ve done very well in school so far. The problem is… I hate school. Ok, so “hate” may be a strong word to use here. But basically, I find myself very discontented in the day-to-day tasks of school. I dread going to class, and when I do, the relatively short class period drags on for what seems like forever. Daily homework assignments are so uninteresting and unattractive to me that I end up just not doing them, or doing them with as little effort as possible. Essays and projects are looming burdens that I try to put off for as long as possible, and then eventually crank out as quickly as I can. Learning at school is just not something I’m interested in. And no matter how much I try to focus on God and seek joy through Him, it’s been difficult for me to be content in this situation. For all of these reasons, I spend much of my time in auto-pilot, simply trying to get things done so I can get out of school and move on with my life. Unfortunately, I’m still not even half way done.

When I recently expressed these feelings of frustration to my close friends, one of them suggested that I consider whether college is really in God’s plan for me. Hearing this was like a shock to my heart, and it woke me up to the fact that I have other options! Contrary to what I used to think, I am not stuck.

After that, things happened pretty quickly. I did a lot of praying and thinking, spent some time researching, and finally came up with a plan. Instead of simply dropping out and wasting all of the money, time, and energy I’ve put into school up until now, I’m going to get my associate’s degree. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this, an associate’s degree is basically a lower-level degree that you can get in two years instead of four. By transferring my units from my current university to my local community college, I can finish my degree in another semester and a half. I can also take a lot of those courses online, which will cut back on one of my least favorite parts of school—sitting in class.

In forming this plan, I’ve also had to do a lot of thinking and researching about what I’m going to do after college. After all, I won’t have a bachelor’s degree, which is required for many jobs. So how am I going to support myself and my family? Well, after praying about the issue for quite a while, God gave me an answer. I now have a clear sense of my passions in life—children and writing—and how I can use them for God’s glory while at the same time financially supporting my family. I’m going to do this by running a daycare, and later a home school program for my children and others; being a stay-home mom to take care of the kids and house; and writing novels to make extra money. It’s pretty much my perfect dream come true!

However. Yes, there is a however. Despite the fact that this plan sounds great and will probably work out, there is always the chance that it won’t. After all, life is not perfect. I need to be prepared to find contentedness even if the situation changes again. And even if it does work out, realistically I won’t always be completely happy with the situation. For example, I probably won’t be all that happy when I’m in school for the next year, finishing my degree. I probably won’t be completely satisfied when I’m trying to get on my feet financially after college, and waiting for my husband to establish his business so we can start our family. I probably won’t be thrilled when I’m dealing with the numerous and uncomfortable medical appointments during my pregnancy, and I definitely won’t be cheerful as I approach the terrifying prospect of childbirth. So you see, even though I’m making positive changes for my life, I still have to learn contentment for the times (and there will be many) that aren’t so great.

Which brings me to my main point; making changes in your life can be helpful, but even then, learning to be content is still an important skill. As a Godly man recently said to me, “the grass isn’t greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it.” In other words, changing your life to find a better situation will only help if you put an effort into being content in the new situation. And sometimes, it may not be necessary to change the situation because a simple “watering” will do. For example, the solution to a rocky marriage isn’t to get out of it; the solution is to give the relationship a little more care and attention, and to nurture the marriage back to health.

So when you find yourself in a situation that you don’t want to be in, ask yourself this: am I discontent because I’m not trying to make the best of this situation and improve it, or am I discontent because I’m in a situation that God isn’t calling me to be in? If it sounds more like the first, then it’s time to put in some work to improve things, and more importantly to focus on God as your source of joy. If it sounds more like the second, though, then change it. Just remember that life will never be perfect, and continue to seek joy through God and contentment in your life situation.

This is your life; you are here. Don’t like it? Then do something about it.

For most people, life doesn’t always go according to plan. Things come up that dramatically change what we had previously pictured for our futures, sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. Even the bad things, though, can turn out to be good. Well, “good” may not be the exact right word, but I do believe that God uses all bad things for the good. So even though the bad things aren’t good, they do result in good things. For example, the death of a loved one is never a good thing. However, it can bring people closer to God, give them a wake up call about how they are living their lives, or end the suffering of the loved one who died. So while bad things are still bad, God does use them for the good.

There are other things that can change the path of our lives besides the significant good or bad things that happen to us. Often, our lives change because of a realization we make, a calling that we feel, or a roadblock that gets in our way. All of these things are out of our control! Of course, our reactions to these things are under our control for the most part, but overall the reality is that life is not something we can control.

For some people, that prospect may be scary. For me, though, it’s comforting. That’s because I know that while I’m not in control, God is. And to be honest about myself, I think that’s a much better deal than I would get if I were in control. Why? Because I’m human. My perspective on life is unbelievably limited compared to God’s. The decisions I make are often flawed. My desires and dreams and goals are changeable, and as I often find out later, they are many times not the best path for me after all. If I were in charge of my life and everything that happened to me, things would certainly be a mess.

Fortunately, the one who controls my life is all-knowing, all-powerful, and unchangeable. He is perfect, and he knows what is best for me. That makes me feel pretty confident!

However, that doesn’t mean that everything will go perfectly according to plan. In fact, it probably means the exact opposite. Trusting God with your life means exchanging your plan for his plan, which in turn means that you won’t always know what’s going to happen next. And even though I’ve surrendered control over my life to God,  I still have to make decisions and act on them in order to get where I’m going. Unfortunately, there is no magical GPS device that you automatically receive when you start a relationship with Jesus, telling you what to do at every turn.  All you know is where you are and where you think you’re supposed to be headed.

So how do we know what the “right” decision is in any given situation throughout our lives? Well, there are several components of making decisions that honor God.

First of all, pray. Pray, pray, pray! Ask God to help guide you to make the right decision, and spend a lot of time listening. In fact, in these situations I think it is best to spend much more time listening to God than you do talking to Him. And don’t expect Him to answer you in a booming voice from the heavens! Although God is perfectly capable of that, for some reason beyond my human understanding, He seems to prefer more subtle ways of speaking. It can come as a thought he puts in your head, another person he speaks through, a circumstance, a Bible verse, or some other way entirely. No matter what though, if you earnestly and patiently seek His guidance, He will answer.

After praying and listening to God, you should test the answer that you think He gave you. Is it contrary to God’s nature? If you think he  told you to divorce your spouse, for example, then it’s not God. That’s because we know from the Bible that God intends marriage to be permanent. Another example is if you think God is telling you to do something illegal; in most cases, this is definitely not God speaking. God only condones breaking the law when the law forces you to disobey Him. So keep that in mind if you are considering doing something like that.

If you aren’t sure if your answer is contrary to God’s nature, then do some research! Look it up in the Bible. One easy way to do this is searching it in Google. Just type in “Bible verses about ______” and then double check the verses that come up in your Bible for accuracy. Find out what God says about the decision you are considering, and make sure He approves.

You should also test your answer by seeking the counsel of Christian brothers/sisters you can trust. This one is not necessarily as black and white as God’s opinion of course, but in most cases it has some merit. For example, if all of your Christian friends and mentors strongly advise against something you are thinking about doing, then it’s probably not a good idea. On the other hand, if just a few of them advise against it or if they advise against it based solely on personal biases, then that doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t do it. There are many cases when people are simply misled and give you advice that may not be the best, no matter how good their intentions. So definitely seek guidance from your church, but remember that you are trying to make a decision that pleases God, not necessarily people.

On that note though, you shouldn’t do anything that is harmful to others. As a Christian, I am a servant to Jesus and a servant to others. If my decision selfishly disregards the needs of others in favor of my own desires, then it is not a Godly decision. It is important to distinguish between the needs of others and the desires of others, of course. Just because your friend or family member wants you to do something doesn’t mean you should immediately disregard your own desire to the contrary. However, if your desire is something that will keep you from serving others or disregards the needs of others, then you shouldn’t act on it. Finally, there is the certain importance of your own needs. Taking care of your needs is not selfish; instead, it allows you to be a better servant to others and enables you to love others more. What it all comes down to is this; when you’re trying to make a decision, 1) don’t feel guilty for taking care of your own needs, and 2) make sure that your decision is loving and considerate of others.

There is one last thing that I feel needs to be addressed. It’s a question that I’ve asked myself many times before; “What if I make the wrong decision?” Well, the good news is that it doesn’t matter. Ok, that’s a bit of an overstatement. All of our actions have consequences (whether good or bad, minor or major). What I mean by “it doesn’t matter” is that in the long run, God will get us to where we’re supposed to be. Us making a wrong decision is simply not enough to ruin God’s entire plan for our lives. He’s way too powerful for that! Instead, He allows us to choose the path that we will take (all the while knowing what path we will choose), and He bends it to make sure that it goes where He wants us. So don’t make decisions lightly, because it can make your path much more difficult than it needs to be (although, of course, He’ll use even those struggles for the good). But that being said, don’t worry too much about making the wrong decision. God is big enough and strong enough to cover for all of our bad decisions, and He promised to do so when He sent His son to die for us.

Although I’ve already said a lot about God-honoring decision-making, there is still more to say about determining whether or not a decision even needs to be made in the first place. I’ll be writing about that next week, but for now, I encourage you to focus on how your decisions can be more God-centered.

Life is busy. Whether you’re going through college like me, raising a family, or working full time, life can often seem to resemble a never-ending to do list. Just taking care of one’s basic needs like sleeping, eating, grooming, and exercising takes up more than half of a day! Then on top of that we have jobs to do, errands to run, people to talk to, chores to get done, and problems to solve. To me, it often seems like a miracle that I can even manage all of these necessary day-to-day tasks, let alone have time left over for doing the things that I want to do.

Something that has been bothering me lately is that in every area of my life, from my physical health to my spirituality to my social life, I am constantly being berated by messages telling me that I need to be better. I need to exercise more, eat healthier food, spend more time reading my Bible and praying, talk to people more, etc. As if it’s not impossible enough just getting by in life! According to the rest of the world, I’m not doing a good enough job. And for me, doing a “good job” at life is something that brings me great satisfaction. As a result, every time that I don’t quite measure up, I start to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Can you relate to this feeling?

Well I think that it’s time to change our views. First of all, the old saying really is true that “nobody is perfect.” Let me say that again; Nobody is perfect. When we feel the pressure to do better in certain areas of our lives, what are we really hoping to achieve? Are we honestly just trying to improve ourselves, or are we foolishly reaching for perfection? I have a feeling that, at least for me, the truth is closer to the latter.

But is it really wrong to long for perfection? Surprisingly, I don’t think so. Remember how I just said that nobody is perfect? Well, it’s true that no human is perfect, but God is. And we humans are made in His image. So while we can never actually be perfect, I believe that we all have the natural desire to be because God made us that way. We desire to be more like Him, to be perfect. There’s nothing wrong with that! What’s wrong is when we actually expect to get there while we’re still here on Earth, a planet full of imperfection.

So what does this all mean and how can you apply it to your life, not to mention your marriage? (After all, this is a marriage blog). Good question!

Unfortunately, I’m not really sure what the answer is. I don’t have the magical cure to all of my own problems in life, let alone yours. But that’s the way life is! We don’t have all the answers. All we have to go on is the one thing that we know to be true and perfect, which is God, and the book of truth that He lovingly gave us. I’m talking about the B.I.B.L.E., otherwise known as the Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. (Thanks to my friend April for sharing this clever acronym!)

The Bible tells us that love is the most important thing in life. Romans 13:9-10 says that “…(God’s commandments) are all summed up in this one commandment: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God’s law.” The well-known verse in 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, “Three things will last forever- faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love.” In 1 John 4:7, the Bible says, “Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.” Could it be any clearer that God wants us to love people?

So there you have it. Love. It’s clearly important to God, and can anybody honestly say that it isn’t important to them, too? That’s why I think love should be the top priority in life. Love is more important than making money, gaining knowledge, making achievements, being physically healthy, and many of the other things we put so high on our to do lists. Love should come first! What I mean by this, of course, is not a superficial or weak kind of love. It’s love as it is described in the Bible (read 1 Corinthians 13 if you need a reminder), love as it was displayed by God when He sacrificed His son for you and me. That kind of love is the kind that God wants to see from us.

I know that life is busy, and that it can be difficult to make time to do everything that needs to be done. But one way to make it a little less overwhelming is to put it into perspective. What is going to matter in the long run? Probably not this one homework assignment, or that work problem, or the fact that your kids won’t clean their rooms. No, what’s going to matter in the long run is how much you love others. You should still try to do your best at everything you do for the sake of bringing glory to God, but busyness shouldn’t consume your life. If you need to prioritize, cut back on some things, or make some major life changes, than do it! Do whatever is necessary so that you can focus on what is most important; loving God, your spouse (if you’re married), your family, your friends, and everybody else you come into contact with on a daily basis. Don’t be so busy that you don’t have time for love! It truly is the greatest gift in life.

I am not a people person. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of people whom I love. In general, though, I’m not the type to go out and make new friends on a regular basis. It’s not that I don’t want to make new friends, it’s just that talking to strangers is not one of my favorite things in the world. I definitely would not describe myself as a social butterfly.

In fact, I consider myself to be a little bit shy. Not painfully so, but just a little. Many people may not even notice this because I hide it so well, but it’s still there underneath. Besides that, I have a tendency to be a tad bit awkward. Perhaps this isn’t noticeable to others either, but I sure see it. I think maybe my biggest “problem” is just that I am a fairly quiet person. I don’t mind being the quiet one in the group who just sort of… observes. Of course, if I really know somebody well and feel completely comfortable around them, then I tend to be more fun and goofy. It takes a little extra time for me to break out of my shell around people, though. It takes a very long time for me to stop being self-conscious with the people I meet.

Despite all of that, however, people are hugely important to me. To be more specific, having people’s love and approval is one of the things I care about most. When I feel close to my friends and family I feel great joy. When I feel like my friends or family members are distant, uninterested in me, or disapproving, I feel terrible sadness. Sometimes I can feel pretty close to my friends and totally at peace with my family, yet I still long for more. It’s like I need everybody to be holding hands and singing happy songs in a circle for me to feel fully satisfied! Yet, for obvious reasons, that isn’t practical nor is it possible. And because of that, I often find myself feeling lonely or disappointed, even when my relationships are going well.

A few weeks ago, I began attending a summer study with my church called “Choose Joy.” This study has been absolutely wonderful. I’ve learned so much about what it means to choose to have joy in my life, and how I can learn to do it. One of the things that I learned is that many people search for joy in certain areas of their life instead of searching for it in God. For example, my biggest false source of joy is people. I find my fulfillment when the relationships in my life are going well.

Other false sources of joy that I learned about in the study are one’s surroundings, possessions, and status. Some people search for joy through the places that they live or travel to. Other people find it with the accumulation of money and nice things. Many people also try to find joy through their social status, such as popularity, level of education, position at work, or marital status. Or, like me, they try to find joy through their relationships (familial, friendly, romantic, or all of the above.)

I’ve also discovered some other false sources of joy that I tend to fall into. One of them is leisure time. If I am having fun, relaxing, or otherwise enjoying myself, then I tend to feel very joyful. However, I find it very difficult to be joyful at work or when I’m studying for a test. Another one for me is change. Unlike most people I know, I absolutely love change. I love new schools, new years, new jobs, new pets, new gadgets, new episodes of my favorite shows, new books, new houses, new anything really. In fact, when things haven’t changed in a while, I start to get restless. I rearrange my room in an effort to make things slightly different, or go out and get a new pet (and effectively drive my dad crazy as a result). Yes, I love change and new things. They make me feel happy! Until I get bored of them of course.

Which brings me to my main point. As I mentioned before, these are not true sources of joy. Sure, they can genuinely make you happy and they can even last for quite a while. But they are ultimately false sources of joy because no matter how happy they make you in the short run, they will never last in the long run. Like it or not, you will lose (and gain!) friends over the years. You will fight with your spouse, and feel distant at times. You will probably not live in your dream spot, and you may not be able to travel the world. Fun gadgets break, and money runs out. And if you are banking on these things to make you happy, then when the time comes that they fail you, you will find yourself gravely disappointed.

Fortunately, there is good news. Though none of these things can keep you fulfilled or bring you lasting joy, God can! He is the true source of joy. He will never fail you, and he will never leave. Even I, a woman who loves change, can appreciate the fact that God never changes. That’s because knowing that God doesn’t change can bring you strength when life doesn’t go according to plan. If I look to Jesus as my ultimate and primary source of joy, then I can keep that joy with me even when the other things in my life are not going so well.

In a marriage, this is especially important. Many people, both men and women, try to find their joy mainly through their spouse. This is a false source of joy because putting all of the responsibility for your happiness on one person is simply too much of a burden for any human to handle. Depending on your spouse for your joy will not leave you feeling satisfied most of the time. Any time that you fight, or grow distant, or even just get out of sync for a day, your joy will suffer. That’s going to be quite a rollercoaster of joy and sadness! Instead, focus on God for your joy and you will find that He not only fulfills you Himself, but enables you to enjoy your spouse more fully.

I’ve made this mistake with my fiancé. I’ve tried to depend on him to keep me happy. Even now, as our wedding day is approaching, I find myself thinking that “once we are married, everything will be perfect.” I have to catch myself when I think that way, because I know that as wonderful as it will be to be married to him, my life will still not be perfect. And in fact, my life will never be perfect. I live in an imperfect world; we all do. As a result, our lives include suffering.

Fortunately, we are lucky to have a God who loves us enough to save us from that. As a Christian, I know that God is good, loving, and worthy of my praise. I know that He is the only source of truth and the only one who will never fail me. Remembering these things about my Heavenly Father brings me great joy. Focusing on Him has brought the greatest joys into my life: my wonderful fiancé, who is an ever-growing man of God; the amazing, godly women whom I call my friends; my relationships with my family members, which have been continuously improving as I’ve sought God’s wisdom with them; the wonderful church and ministry opportunities that God is using to draw me closer to Him. These things make me truly happy, and I praise Him for that, always keeping in mind that He is the source of that joy. That way, when the blessings in my life are not so abundant, I can still hold on to the joy that comes from a God who never changes.

Sometimes, I fail at choosing God as my source of joy. Ok, that is a bit of an understatement; I fail on an embarrassingly regular basis. But I am still growing in my faith and learning the ways of a God-centered life, something I plan to continue doing for the rest of my life. So even when I fail, I know that I can get back on the right track with only a simple reminder about something I know to be true. It is only through a deep trust in God and a determination to praise him through the ups and downs of life that we can find true and lasting joy.