In a marriage, I believe that it is important to be best friends. To be completely honest, I think that it is important to be best friend before you get married, but if you can’t manage that then I would at least try to develop your friendship after you get married.

What is a best friend, though? I’ve heard many people say that their spouse (or boyfriend, fiance, etc.) is their best friend. Yet to me, it seems that many people say this simply because it sounds nice. “I married my best friend,” they say, or “my best friend is my wife.” How sweet! But what does that really mean?

To me, a best friend is somebody who you can (and want to) tell absolutely everything. A best friend is a person who you can be yourself with; you can let yourself go and not worry in the slightest about them judging you. (Of course, this goes both ways. You don’t judge them either!) A best friend is that person who you would do anything for, and who would do anything for you.

I can honestly say that I talk to my husband about my deepest feelings, my darkest secrets, and my most personal issues. Nothing is embarrassing between us! I don’t have to hide anything from him; not the good, the bad, or the ugly. I love him unconditionally and nothing could ever change that. I also know that there is nothing I wouldn’t sacrifice for Him (except for God of course), and that he would do the same for me. And that is why I know that we are in this until the end. Because he is my best friend, not just my lover. He is my second priority in the entire universe behind God, and fortunately, I feel pretty confident that God would never ask me to choose between them.

Being best friends with your spouse has a great number of benefits. First of all, it strengthens your commitment. Often in romantic relationships, people focus on their own needs and desires. In a healthy and strong friendship, however, the happiness and needs of the other person take on greater importance. Approaching a marriage from that perspectives gives it much greater strength. It is no longer about two people mutually benefiting from the other person; instead, it’s about two people who care about each other enough to put their concerns second to the other person’s.  Thus, the marriage and commitment is much stronger.

Second of all, being best friends helps you survive the long haul. Simply put, if you enjoy the company of your spouse, it will be much easier to spend the rest of your life with them. Why is it that friendships often seem to last longer than many marriages nowadays? I think it’s because people get married when they are in love, but people stay in friendships because they genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Don’t get me wrong, love is important (as is attraction and compatibility). But love, attraction, and compatibility are frankly not enough. Friendship is a vital component to a healthy and happy marriage, and being best friends makes it that much easier to keep your vows ’til death do you part (not to mention into eternity.) Not to mention that it makes things so much more fun!

The third benefit of being best friends with your spouse is that it leads to a deeper level of closeness. Being able to talk to your spouse about everything and anything is the key to emotional connectedness. Another point I’d like to make here is that if you have a friend who you are emotionally closer to than you are to your spouse, than I see that as a problem. Don’t get me wrong, it’s n0t a problem to be very emotionally close to a friend; it’s just that you should be as emotionally connected to your spouse as possible, and if you aren’t as close to him or her as you are to one of your friends, than you aren’t reaching your maximum marital potential for closeness. In other words, your spouse should be your ultimate best friend and the person who you are closest to in the world. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend and you aren’t at this level with them yet, then I strongly advise that you get there before you decide to get married.

Now, about friends outside of marriage. I’ve discussed this a bit in a previous blog post, “Friends,” but I’d like to touch base on it once more. In my humble opinion, friendships outside of marriage should not be closer than your actual marriage. However, I do believe in the strong need for close friends outside of your marriage. Specifically, I think it is vital to have close friends of the same sex outside of marriage (and not so much close friends of the opposite sex, because that can be very dangerous no matter what your excuses may be).

I think this is important mainly because marriage can feel a bit stifling to some, and it is important to avoid smothering your spouse. Spending time with people outside of your romantic relationship is good for your own emotional health (bigger is always better as far as support networks go), as well as for the relational health of your marriage. This goes for men and women! Husbands, find yourself some close guy friends and wives, find yourself some good girl friends who you can grow with. If you’re a Christian, your closest friends should also be Christians so that they can be accountability partners as well as on the same page as you when it comes to basic life choices. Do this and I guarantee you will feel more fulfilled, well-balanced, and probably even closer to God.

So, those are my thoughts on best friends. Your spouse should be your first, but you should definitely have seconds. Both of these things are essential to a fantastic marriage, which currently, I can gladly say that I have. I say this not to brag (after all, I’ve only been married for three months), but to encourage. If everybody married their best friend, I think the status of marriage in our country would improve tremendously. That’s because true best friends are forever, and so is God’s plan for marriage.

Now, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go spend some time with my best friend in the world. =]