As you may (or may not) know, I recently quit my babysitting job to focus on writing. So far, it has been going well but also not well. On the one hand, I am much happier and I love being able to stay at home and work side by side with my husband, just writing to my heart’s content. I’m still planning on publishing my first novel by the end of the year, and that is coming along well. I’ve also published several other small projects including an article, a short story, and even a poem. It has been a lot of fun and I’m gaining a lot of experience, which I think will help me to develop my writing career.

However, the downside is that I’m not making any money. I have literally made $7 from writing since I started this experiment. And the truth of the matter is that I am not sure that I will ever make much of anything doing what I want to do, which is creative writing. So my greatest task of late has been dealing with that fact, and learning to accept it.

Fortunately, God is faithful and He is still taking care of my husband and I. Cory’s web-design business is prospering and he is making enough money to support us on his income alone. That is a true blessing, because it allows me to keep focusing on my writing career and give myself a chance to succeed at it. There is still a possibility that I’ll be the next Suzanne Collins (author of the Hunger Games, in case you didn’t know), and I am holding on to that possibility.

Of course, more than likely, I will not be that successful. There are just so many books out there, let alone young adult science fiction books, and the chances of mine getting published by an actual publisher seem low. Either way I plan to publish my books, even if I have to self-publish; but if that is what ends up happening, then the chances of it making any real money go down a whole lot. In the end, I have to accept the possibility that writing may always be more of a hobby for me than a career. And you know what? I’m actually okay with that.

You see, I think that I’ve found my deeper calling. Yes, I believe that God gave me a gift for writing and I plan on using it to the best of my ability to glorify Him. But I also believe that He has an even greater plan for my life. Recently, I had an epiphany in which I think God revealed to me what that plan is. Are you ready for this? I want to be a foster parent. And when I say that, what I mean is that I want to foster lots of kids; as many as we can, in fact.

Here’s the dream: I want to live in a big house with lots of bedrooms so that we can foster as many kids as possible. That probably looks like we’ll have one or two of our own and take in four foster kids at a time. I also want to start some kind of animal rescue, and let the kids help out with caring for the animals as a sort of “therapy.” That way I can combine my love for animals with my love for children! Plus, I can make a difference in the world and most importantly, I can use my life to serve God. What could be better?

Cory’s dream, which is to be an entrepreneur and start businesses, also fits right in with mine. He is going to make it his goal to make as much money as he can in the best ways that he can so that he can serve God by giving back to build God’s kingdom and providing for our family. His other dream, which is to raise a family, will also be a big part of his job as a father and a foster parent!

I’m really excited about this new dream. I think that this is what God is calling us to do, and it gives me so much motivation to keep working towards it in the meantime while we wait for the timing to be right. But this dream is also kind of scary! First of all, we have no idea how to be parents. Learning will definitely be an adventure and we know that we have a lot of growing to do before we can start. Second of all, our situation is a bit financially precarious. Starting businesses is hard work and it doesn’t always work out. We’ll be depending on his income alone to support a large family, and that is definitely a big leap of faith. But both of these challenges, plus the many others that I’m sure we will encounter along the way, are the ways that God is asking us to depend on Him.

Living by faith means that we know that even when things seem difficult, or even impossible, God is still in control. He is still taking care of us and guiding us through His plan for us. And as long as we know that His plans for us are good, there is nothing to worry about. Which is why even when we think we know what we are meant to do with our lives, we don’t hold on too tightly. Things change, and we can have faith that when they change, it’s because God has something even better in mind. My husband and I are living by faith, in expectant anticipation of what God has in store for us.

This week, I experienced a life-altering revelation; I have no idea where I’m going in life. Alright, that may be a bit of an exaggeration. It could be much worse. At least I have a few things to anchor me (and honestly, those are the most important things in life anyway). I have my Lord, who has a plan for me and gives me a purpose through and beyond the details of my life. And I have my husband, who is my eternal partner on this planet and gives me support and a home base. I also have a world of opportunities available to me, if I’m willing to work hard enough, and a wonderful support network of awesome friends and loving family. So I can’t say that I’m completely lost. But as far as career and life direction go, it turns out that I really don’t know what I’m doing at all.

Yes, my dream is to be a novelist. I want to write young adult science fiction. But the reality is that I most likely cannot make a decent living solely on that. At the very least, I won’t be able to start making money right away. In order to even start this kind of career, I need to be in a place financially where I can survive without making a dime for at least several months. Even after I finish writing my first book and get it published, there is the likely possibility that I won’t make enough money to live on from its sales. So overall, I just don’t think that I can realistically focus on writing fiction as my main source of income. That leaves me with a question; is there anything else that I can do for a living that I will actually enjoy?

This question has been haunting me lately. I’ve tried searching career databases for anything that sounded remotely right for me. I’ve tried looking into career paths that I’ve considered before, like teaching. I’ve tried thinking about the alternative, about being a stay-at-home mom with my future children and focusing on that instead of having an outside career. The truth is, that may still be what I want to do. I can picture myself spending my days taking care of my family and homeschooling my kids, writing novels on the side for extra money. That sounds great, actually. But the problem is that kids aren’t kids forever and once they grow up, I’ll be left with nothing to focus on but my novels, and I fear that that won’t be enough to satisfy me for the duration of my life. More importantly, I don’t know how long it will take for my husband and I to get to a place where we can live on his income alone. Even if this is the path that I take, what on earth am I going to do in the meantime?

It’s all a bit confusing and scary. The first thing I did when this all hit me like a ton of bricks was to pray with my husband. God obviously knows exactly what I’m going to do and He has a really awesome plan for my life. So we asked Him to help me see what that might be and to trust Him to help me find my way there. The second thing I did was to come up with a plan. For now, the main component of this plan is researching all of my options. I’m reading The Purpose Driven Life to ground myself in a purpose beyond my career, which is what matters most anyway. I’m also reading a few career-planning books to help me figure out how best I can use my God-given talents and abilities in satisfying work. With any luck, I’ll be on a clearer path in a month or two.

I write all of this to say that even though I feel lost and confused right now, I don’t have to be afraid. And the same thing can be true for you! Sometimes it’s hard to see, but the truth is that God has a plan for you. He has a great plan for you! And I don’t just mean a rhetorical “you.” I mean you, the person who is reading this right now. God doesn’t plan for bad things to happen to you, but He plans around the bad things that He knows will happen to you. He plans those things into the awesome grand plan! So if you’re thinking that you messed up His original plan for you and now you’re off track and lost forever, then you’re wrong. He knew what path you would take, and He built your plan around that. So don’t be afraid when it comes to your future. You have great things ahead of you. It’s never too late to start walking on God’s path for your life.

Whether you feel lost like me right now or you know exactly where you’re going, it’s always good to take stock of your life and think about whether you are on the right path for serving God’s purpose for you. Are you heading towards something that will bring you joy and fulfillment and that honors God? If the answer is yes, then you are on the right track. If the answer is no, then why not reassess? Pray for wisdom and guidance, do some research, and take the time to really think about where you’re headed. We only have one life to live here on Earth, and it’s so short (especially compared to the eternal lives ahead of us). Let’s make the most of it and live in the best way that we can— living with joy for God’s glory.

This week has been absolutely crazy. If I’m honest, most of my weeks are pretty crazy lately. Big decisions are being made, unmade, and remade. Changes are happening left and right. And the ups and downs of my walk with God are always there, making things even more interesting. Every day there is something new for me to learn and some new way for me to grow. This past week, a big portion of that has been relating to my husband’s parents.

In-laws can be a pain in the butt. It’s nothing personal; it’s just a fact of life. When you get married and take on somebody else’s parents as your own, conflicts are bound to occur. It probably has something to do with the way that nobody really knows how to deal with your parents as well as you do. And when your spouse is put in the position of having to deal with your parents in such an up close and personal way as only occurs in families, well, it’s hard. For me, learning how to navigate the dangerous waters of the MIL and FIL (mother and father in law) has been a struggle. Again, it’s nothing personal against my husband’s parents— they are good people and they love my husband deeply, but we have many differences in personalities and beliefs that cause problems for us.

If I’m honest, it has been difficult at times for me to love my in-laws. Part of the problem is that it has been hard for them to let go of my husband and allow him to make his own decisions. I totally understand, because I imagine that when I have children, letting them go off and start a new family without me will be really hard. But from my perspective, as his wife, it’s quite frustrating. I love my husband so much and I love the fact that we are a family, and that we can make our own decisions together. Having somebody watching over our shoulders and treating us with little respect for our independence isn’t always easy to handle.

But the fact is, God loves my husband’s parents dearly and He forgives them every time they make mistakes. He wants them to turn to Him and live their lives for Him. He definitely doesn’t want to see them hurt or upset, and he definitely does want me to treat them with love and respect. So how can I balance my need for independence with my God-given command to love and respect them? More importantly, how can I fulfill my life purpose and point two of his lost children back to Him? It takes a lot of patience, that’s for sure. It also takes an open, compassionate, and forgiving heart. Fortunately for me, those things are all available to me through the power of God living in me. I just have to harness them.

Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), I find it difficult to set aside my pride, anger, bitterness, and fear to let God’s gifts of patience, love, and forgiveness take over. Many times, I just want to make my voice heard, have the upper hand, or protect myself from discomfort, and so I am tempted to be unkind or unloving to them. It’s not easy to set aside your own feelings for a greater purpose. Getting your own way feels so good sometimes, and being kind to somebody who is upsetting you often doesn’t feel good at all. But that is what God calls His children to do!  He commands me to love them, forgive them, be kind to them, and respect them as human beings and as my husband’s parents. Not only is it good for me, because it makes me more like Jesus, but it is also part of God’s purpose for my life. Are his parents ever going to turn to the Lord if they see the two closest examples of His followers in their lives acting like jerks? No way! We have to be reflections of Jesus for them, and that requires us to behave with a higher standard.

That still leaves the question of how to balance our need for independence as a married couple with their wishes for my husband as his parents. I think the key here is boundaries. Setting boundaries can often be difficult for Christians, who feel guilty when they have to tell somebody “no” or ask somebody to stop doing something that harms them. They feel that they should be self-sacrificing to the point of putting everybody else’s wants and needs ahead of theirs. But the truth is, Christians need to take care of their own needs just as much as anybody else, especially if they want to stand any chance of helping others. How can I be a kind and loving example of Christ if I’m starving to death? I can’t!

Setting boundaries with parents is an important need for a healthy marriage. When you get married, your spouse moves into the #1 spot in your list of priorities after God. Your parents can and should still be important to you, but they cannot intrude on the rights and responsibilities of your spouse if you want to have a healthy marriage. Plain and simple, they need to step back and allow you to become a new family with your spouse.

I am so proud of how well my parents did this. There were some hiccups along the way, but now we are in such a great place. They respect me and my husband and our decisions, while still being supportive and there for us if we need it. I thank God all the time for giving me such amazing parents!

Unfortunately, it hasn’t been as easy for my husband’s parents. And that is where the boundaries need to come in. It is perfectly acceptable (and in fact, necessary) for us to step back a little from them when we need to. That might mean making decisions that they don’t necessarily agree with, asking them to treat us differently, or simply telling them “no.” The important thing is for us to do these things with love and gentleness. We cannot make decisions based on anger or to spite them. We must treat them with respect, even when we disagree. Respect doesn’t mean bowing down to their every wish; it just means listening to their point of view and giving it value when making our decisions.

I depend on God to give me the grace to love my in-laws. I know that they are only trying to do what they think is best for my husband, and I can respect that. I also know that my husband and I can set up boundaries where necessary to make sure that our decisions as a family are based on what is best for us and what God is calling us to do. As a result, we enjoy a strong and happy relationship that honors God. Even though it isn’t always easy, loving other people is a huge part of God’s plan for us as individuals and as a family. As the Bible says, “we love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19), and that applies not only to each other in our marriage and family, but to the people around us as well.

I am not the type of person who finds herself in a miserable situation and stays there. Don’t get me wrong— I lean on God for strength and pray for endurance while I’m in it— but I guess I’m just not a “wait it out” kind of girl. I am action oriented and when I don’t like something, I try to change it.

Take my job for instance. In fact, take all of the jobs I’ve ever had. From Chuck E. Cheese’s (I used to be the mouse) to Kids’ Factory (after school childcare) to the library at my old university to nannying, my longest record for holding a job has been 15 months. The reason for this is that once I get sick of a job, I can’t justify staying. There are so many other, better things that I could do for work and staying in a miserable job is not something I feel I should do. So as long as I have no obligations to fulfill, I am out of there.

Just this past week, I decided that it was time for another job switch. Unfortunately, now that I have more financial responsibilities it isn’t as easy as just quitting and figuring out my next steps later. This time, I had to really consider how I can make enough money to pay the bills without doing what I do now (that is, taking care of kids all day). The solution that I came up with isn’t exactly foolproof, but it has great potential. I’m going to finally do what I’ve always wanted to do; I’m going to be a full-time writer.

After talking with my husband, praying for guidance, and doing a lot of research, I tentatively made the decision to quit my nanny job and start writing for a living. Little did I know that my “tentative” decision was much more final that I realized.

The next day at work, I talked to my main client and gave her a month’s notice (much longer than usual out of consideration for her— she’s busy enough already without having to search for a new nanny). As it turns out, she was probably going to have to replace me anyway because she wants somebody who can work five days per week for ten hours a day (no thank you!). The next day, my other part-time client who I was hoping to keep for supplemental income while I get off the ground told me that she won’t need me any more except on occasion. The timing of all of this sent a pretty clear message; if I hadn’t made the decision to leave my jobs already, the circumstances would have made it for me! Like it or not, I am now writing for a living.

To be honest, I’m slightly terrified. I mean, making a living as a writer is not the easiest thing in the world, especially when you have limited experience like me. It’s even harder when your passion is for fiction! But I have a feeling that the recent turn of events in my life is not purely coincidental. No, I think God is telling me loud and clear that it is time to pursue my dreams. And I am choosing to believe that God will provide. I am taking a step of faith and trusting Him to take care of me. Let me tell you— it is one of the most exciting, terrifying, exhilarating, and awesome feelings I’ve ever had. I’m going to be a writer, and God is going to help me!

Besides the awesomeness of God on my side, I am also incredibly blessed to have an amazingly supportive husband. He is my biggest fan, encourager, and helper, and probably the main reason besides my trust in God that I am able to believe in myself and give this a try. He finds resources for me, comes up with great ideas for finding work opportunities, is continually optimistic, and truly believes that I will succeed. Financially, being married has provided me with the opportunity to make such a bold career move— he can pick up the slack while I’m trying to figure all of this out. Together we are a team, and we delight in helping each other achieve our dreams. Together, with God’s help, we can do anything

This is a pretty crazy time in our lives for me and my husband. In four months, we are going to be buying a house and moving about 2 hours away from where we live right now. My husband is currently in the process of leaving school and starting his own business. I’m changing jobs from nannying to freelance writing. It’s a lot to process at once, but it’s so exciting! And I want to thank you, my readers, for following me through this journey. This blog is attracting more and more readers every week, and that is something I can barely dare to believe. I am incredibly honored that you would take the time to read about me and my adventures in life, and I cannot thank you enough. You are the reason I write!

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

-Philippians 4:13

I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.

-Matthew 17:20 (excerpt)

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

-Romans 8:28

Things are changing all the time. Little things, big things, planned, unexpected, and ignored things… nothing stays the same in life. And I may have mentioned this at some point in one of my blog posts before, but I’ll say it again; I love change.

I don’t know if it’s because of my relatively turbulent childhood or some psychological imbalance or just my personality or what, but I do know that I get bored very quickly. I burn out easily at work and school, I look for ways to make small (and big) changes in my life, and I find it hard to be satisfied in one place for too long. Honestly, one of the only things that I’ve never gotten sick of is my husband, and I think that is truly a miracle from God. Other than that, commitment seems to be a definite struggle for me.

Even in my relationship with God, I have yet to find a permanent solution to the ebb and flow of my spiritual health. I go from being super close to the Lord to feeling distant and apathetic. It’s a cycle that I continuously seem to follow and appear unable to control. Even in the worst of times, though, I’ve never thought about leaving Jesus for something else, and that is all because of Him. He will never let me go, and I’m thankful for that. But still, I know that I’m not living up to the promises that He has to offer for a full and joy-filled life. Unfortunately, that is something that I am still working through and may continue to work through for a very long time.

Besides affecting my relationship with God, my constant need for change and lack of staying power is often burdensome in other areas of my life as well. But whether it’s a blessing (because life is going to change on me a lot) or a curse (because some things in life are meant to be long-term), it is what it is. This is how I am. I am the girl who needs change. And right now, my husband and I are on the verge of making a big change that might be the first one I can remember in a long time that actually has some sting to it.

Recently, my husband has decided to leave school and pursue starting his own business. With that decision comes the fact that, if his business succeeds, he will be receiving a decent salary from it. It also means that we won’t be going to study abroad in Spain, because even if his business doesn’t work out and he needs to return to school, he would be finishing his degree at a different college. All of this to say that we are no longer tied down to our current location either financially or through school, and once his business is off the ground we will be ready to buy a house wherever we want.

We deliberated a long time about our options: building a dome house as we originally planned in either California, Arizona, or perhaps even Tennessee; buying a condo in Orange County, where we currently live; or buying a house within our budget, which automatically ruled out Orange County. Right now, we are pretty certain that we will be buying a house in Riverside County within the next four months. We found a city that we really like with plenty of nice houses for sale, and we have just started the process of seriously searching for the right one.

We’re really excited about this! The more I think about it, the more I feel that I was made to be a mother and a wife, primarily. I’m so excited to be that much closer to having our own house where we can start a family in a few years. And while the location that we’ve chosen is pretty optimal because it’s not too far from our family and friends (only an hour and a half to two hours), it just started to hit me last night that it would mean saying goodbye to a lot of things that I love. Namely, my church, my small group, and possibly my friends will all be either no longer part of my life or greatly diminished (because how often are we really going to see each other when we live over an hour away?) When I realized that I’d be saying goodbye to so much, my heart broke a little. How can I leave my church, the only church I’ve ever been to where I feel like I belong? How can I leave my small group, those girls who have become my sisters and closest friends? How can I be okay with not seeing my friends except on rare occasions? None of these questions have easy answers.

As my husband and I journey through the next several months, we’ll be working towards our goal of owning a home together and becoming even more independent as a family of two. There will be moments of excitement, and many things to look forward to. But there will also be pain, and trying to say goodbye to things that mean so much to us. This is what change is all about. It’s exciting and joyful, but also and difficult and sad. The only consolation is that I know that it is all part of God’s master plan for us. I know that this is one step on the road leading to awesome things for my husband and I, and that keeps me feeling optimistic. I can’t wait to see what He has in store! 

So as you may know, I went on a retreat with my church the week before last, and my last blog post was about how great that was and how different I felt afterwards. This post is about how I feel now, a week and a half later. And that’s basically like a big hypocrite.

Last week was a very hard week for me. My biggest babysitting client was traveling out of town, and since her husband works longer hours than she does, that meant longer hours for me as well. I worked four ten hour days (sometimes longer) in a row, and in the middle of that I felt pretty miserable. Let’s be honest; working ten hours in a day is not the worst thing, especially if the work is something like babysitting. It’s hard work, but it’s a job that many parents do 24/7, and it’s certainly manageable. Besides, as my good friend pointed out to me in the middle of my complaining, it’s good money and my husband and I could definitely use it.

Nevertheless, during the week I felt like such a victim. I dreaded going to work each day, especially as the “shifts” moved earlier and earlier. I lost my patience with the child that I was watching countless times, and at those points it was all I could do to deposit him into his playpen and go sit in the other room with my head in my hands. I counted the hours, minutes, and seconds until his father would return and I could go home and rest. And at the end of the week, I collected my $400 paycheck with a feeling of slight satisfaction, but mostly wondering “was that really worth it?”

Overall, this past week has done a great job of showing me just how strong (or should I say weak) my newfound joy in the Lord really is. It couldn’t even stand up to a little bit of extra work. What does that say about me, writing this blog every week and trying to point people to Jesus? Surely I’m not fit for this job.

But that’s what God has called me to do. He gave me skills and abilities for a reason, and then helped me find a small way to use them for His glory. Writing this blog every week is something that I do out of love for Him. I do enjoy it, yes, but it’s also work. And I am more than happy to do that if it has even the slightest chance of encouraging somebody in their spiritual journey! But how do I reconcile the fact that the things I say and the things I do are often quite different?

Well, for one thing I can be honest about it. I can write about it and share that with my readers. So here it is; readers, I want you to know that I’m a seriously messed up person. I truly believe in everything that I write on here, but I often can’t live up to my own advice. I go through periods of doubt, anger, and dissatisfaction with God just like anybody else. I don’t always rely on God as my rock in life, and I often try to find joy in other things. I’m not always kind, patient, and loving towards others; I can be pretty darn mean when I want to. So if reading this blog has made you think that I have it all together, then I’m sorry to tell you that I don’t. I’m just as messed up as the rest.

But that’s all okay. Because the next thing I can do is listen to Jesus. When Jesus hung on that cross and died for me, He told me that none of that matters. He took all of my mess and issues and they died with Him then and there. They no longer matter to God because Jesus covered them with a cloak of invisibility— His very own blood. And because of that, God doesn’t even see them. They’re just plain old gone.

So what do I do with that now? Where does that leave me? The answer is simple; it frees me.

Because of Jesus, I am free to move on from my issues. That doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle with them— I do. But it means that even when I struggle with them, I don’t have to feel stuck. I won’t always be this way. Jesus freed me to move past my issues, encounter new ones, and move past those as well, on and on until the day I die. Through all of those internal struggles I learn something, growing closer to God and stronger spiritually. And even in the middle of them, even when I’m writing a blog post about joy in the Lord and feeling the complete opposite, I am free to keep trying. Even though I fail, I’m able to get up and try again to be better (that’s called conviction), because Jesus gave me unlimited “get out of jail free” cards. My failures don’t hold me back because He’s with me every day and He fills me with amazing potential; reaching it is a lifelong journey that ends in Heaven where I’ll finally be perfect.

Right now, I’m sorry to say that I don’t exactly feel excited about life. I feel stuck, bored, pointless… anything but joyful. But God has promised to never leave me, and I can hold on because I know that He will pull me out of this rut. I know that He made me for a purpose and that He has great plans for my life, even when I can’t feel it. Even though last week I wrote about feeling changed from the retreat and this week I’m writing about how it all faded away so quickly, I don’t have to let that discourage me. Jesus took that failure for me long before it even happened, and left me with hope for the future. I will keep going and growing, because Jesus freed me to.

My husband and I just came back from a four day retreat with our church in Yosemite, and it was just completely amazing. Several really awesome things happened there, and I wanted to share them with you.

First of all, I learned so much about God. I realized that God not only knows me 100% and completely, inside and out, but he accepts me. Like most people, I have walls that I put up to keep others out. Those walls are built up in levels; there is a level that I let my friends past, another level that I let my small group past, and the second to last level that I let Cory past, for example. The very last wall is like a thin sheet— and inside of that are my innermost thoughts and feeling. Nobody can get into that deepest level of me because nobody can read my mind or fully know and understand me. Nobody except God, that is.

I learned that even though I sometimes pretend that God doesn’t know every last intimate detail about me, he does. There is nothing that I can hide from him. In fact, he knows me better than I even know myself. But the great thing about that is the next part; he accepts and loves me for everything that he knows about me. Having a friend who accepts and loves you for who you really are is a great feeling. Having a relationship with Jesus is like that to the millionth degree!

Another really awesome thing that I learned about God this weekend is that he is constantly accessible. Honestly, it was more of a reminder than anything because I already knew that, but I really soaked it in on this retreat. I was struggling with feeling that I don’t really have a best friend; don’t get me wrong, my husband is definitely my best friend and I also have a few very close girl friends that I absolutely love. But there is something to be said for having that one person who isn’t your significant other and who’s like a sister (or brother if you’re a guy) to you. I used to have that, and I miss it. And even though God doesn’t really qualify as a sister to me, He is one person who is with me through everything, deeply understands and accepts me, and who I know I can call on at any time of the day or night. He actually is the best friend any person could have! And as it turns out, all of those songs I’ve been singing about Him are true; He is all that I need. Other things like a wonderful husband, close friends, and relationships with family are all awesome and super important. But strictly speaking, I don’t need them. All that I need is God, and He will never leave me. So I’m pretty much set! Anything else I get on top of that is a bonus.

Another awesome thing that happened during this retreat was that Cory and I got to fulfill one of the purposes of marriage; being an example of Christ’s love to others through our love for each other. Several people commented during the trip about how great they thought it was that we were on the retreat together, supporting each other and growing spiritually together. But the best part for me was when Cory got sick. As funny as that sounds, him getting sick allowed me to take care of him, and other people on the trip noticed and were surprisingly impressed by that. I say “surprisingly” because I find it interesting that people are surprised when a wife takes care of her husband. I mean, shouldn’t that be a given? But anyway, several people were impressed by how I took notes for him during the service that he had to miss and went to check on him in his cabin before going to bed. Even though these were little things that took very little effort on my part, and were quite natural considering I love my husband, I was still happy to be an example for others.

I’ve saved for last the best thing that happened to me on this trip. Plain and simple, God changed my heart. To be honest, before this I’ve always been a little bit secretly anti-social. As in, I really did not enjoy being around people who weren’t my friends. In fact, I pretty much hated it. Any time I had to spend time around people that I didn’t know very well (or at all), I dreaded it. Parties, social gatherings, and even family functions sometimes were all no fun for me. But something changed in me during this retreat, and it basically boils down to this; God loves every person.

If God loves each and every person that I come across, then I should too. At the very least, I should find it to be a pure gift when I can do something nice for somebody. Just think about it; something as small as smiling at somebody or saying “hello” can brighten their day in ways that I don’t even know. As a Christian, I know that God puts people in my path each and every day who desperately need Him, just hoping that I will be loving enough to reach out and help. And when I do, I am fulfilling my God-given purpose in life. What could be more thrilling than that?

My life looks a little different now that I’ve returned from the retreat. For one thing, I talk to God constantly throughout the day now. I like to think of it as text messaging Jesus. He is my best friend after all! Why not be in constant communication with Him? Another thing is that I’m more joyful. I feel more aware of everything God has blessed me with, and I experience joy when I thank Him for those things. I can look at life more on a day-to-day basis, focusing on how I can live for the Lord today instead of on what I’m not looking forward to or what I want for the future. Living in the present makes me joyful!

Last, I have a greater passion for people. I see the desperate need that people have for Jesus and I want so badly to bring them to Him. There is just no life compared to life lived with the Lord, and there is no hope for the world or for eternal life with God without Jesus. I so badly wish that I could convince more people of that. But of course, that’s not my job; my job is just to show them Christ’s love, share His message if they are open to it, and let God do the rest. But I think that the greatest thing I learned in Yosemite was that my role is important. I can do something. I can love others. And that is something that I never want to underestimate again.

Every so often, I come down with a powerful infection known as baby fever. Something usually triggers it, like something I saw in a movie, a pregnant woman, or in this case, people I know having babies. And once it strikes, I can’t stop thinking about wanting to have a baby myself.

There are so many reasons why I want to have a baby. The idea of Cory and I creating our own miniature version of us together is exciting. It’s something that will be just ours— a new adventure for us to journey through together. Besides that, I love the idea of being a mother. Taking care of a child, my child, is one of the things that I feel I was made for. Guiding another human being through life is a challenge and a privilege that I am looking forward to taking on. Plus, I don’t know if there is any other thing you can do in life that will build as much character as being a parent will. Children can teach you patience, unconditional love, maturity, responsibility, self-sacrifice, gentleness, and so much more. What a wonderful tool that God gave us to make us more like him!

But I also know that there are, shall we say, disadvantages to being a parent. Children are incredibly demanding. As a babysitter/nanny, I am becoming more and more familiar with this concept. Children, particularly babies, need your constant attention. It is an all day, every day job. Not only do they need your constant attention but they need constant guidance as well. Babies are new to the world and as such, they don’t know what anything is. They love to touch and play with everything, and that can be terribly dangerous as well as destructive! So you have to try to teach them what is good and bad from a young age. And as they get older, I’m sure it only gets worse. Just think of the teenage years!

Besides demanding constant attention and guidance, children are downright expensive. Having a child would add a shocking number of expenses for my husband and I to support. It’s not just about the baby’s basic needs, like diapers and clothes. It extends to things like toys, special foods, babysitters, daycare, and preschool just in the early years. Then, as they grow older, the expenses start to include cool clothes, cool toys, and extracurricular activities. And that’s just for the kid’s direct needs and wants! There are also the increased costs of health insurance and healthcare, a bigger house, time and energy to clean up after them, etc. Not to mention down the road, when you might be expected to pay for a car, college, and a wedding. Having a kid certainly takes its toll!

So why do people do it? There must be a reason that makes it all worth it. Perhaps even some of the reasons that I gave for wanting to have one. Yes, I definitely see that there are incredible costs to having a child, and I certainly don’t underestimate the amount of hard work that it takes to be a parent. But despite all of that, I still want one. And when the time is right, I feel certain that my husband and I will have one (or two!).

Which brings me back to baby fever. I know that my wish to have a baby right now isn’t logical, and that it would not be responsible to act on it. That’s the tough thing about baby fever, isn’t it? You only get it when you aren’t ready to have a baby. Otherwise, it’s just called pregnancy!

So for now, my husband and I are waiting. Based on the current state of our lives, I would estimate that we have another year or two until having a baby becomes truly plausible. And honestly, I think that’s probably a good thing. We still value having time to enjoy our marriage, just the two of us, before we bring another person into the mix. We still need time to grow and mature before we can feel 100% prepared to have a baby. Most of all, we still need time to crank up our financial status and become fully independent from our own parents before we have our own dependent child!

Until this baby fever subsides, I’ll probably still be fantasizing about pregnancy, cribs, and little baby giggles. But that’s okay, because it gives me something to look forward to and it keeps me moving toward it. In the meantime, I’m enjoying being married to my wonderful husband and taking care of our fur-and-feather-babies together (our cat, Booda, and our cockatiel, Rocky! Sorry, Marley— you’re still my baby even though you can’t live with me right now.)

P.S. Congratulations Melissa & Scott! When I saw the pictures of you two and Bella, I practically cried with happiness. She’s just incredible, and I’m so thrilled for you! What a beautiful family you have. <3

Ok, so I’m obsessed. I recently took a trip to Omar’s Exotic Birds (a specialty pet store that sells birds— who would’ve guessed?). It was just for fun, but has now turned into something more. My husband and I really enjoy visiting the store occasionally, because all of the birds are out of their cages on perches and you can pick them up. Most of them are pretty friendly, and being the animal lover that I am, I think it’s pretty awesome to walk around with a parrot on your shoulder.

So we went to the store just for a casual visit, and that was when it hit me; my husband and I are living in our own place for the first time, and there are no rules about pets besides cats and dogs where we live. And so, technically speaking… nothing is stopping us from getting a new feathery friend. Once that thought crossed my mind, it set up camp and refused to leave. I had decided; we were getting a bird.

As of yet, we have not acted on this impulse. First, I needed to do some research. I went through plenty of information on the internet about different species and care requirements, did some test driving in Omar’s, worked out a budget, and came to a conclusion. A big parrot is too advanced for beginners in bird care like us, so that was out of the picture (not to mention that most of them cost upwards of $1,000. And I mean way upwards). But at the other end of the spectrum, finches aren’t quite what we had in mind either. We want a bird that is affectionate, intelligent, and easy to handle. After a long struggle between a parrotlet, a lovebird, a cockatiel, or a budgie (otherwise known as a parakeet), we finally landed on the lovely “middle ground” parrot, the cockatiel.

And once we decided that, we had to decide on where to buy it and when. More importantly, we had to decide on a name! Eventually, we settled on Rocky for a boy or Lilo for a girl. We’ve also decided that we’ll be going back up to Omar’s to check out the prospects next weekend.

Now, I realize that I’ve been rambling on for several extra-long paragraphs about our plans to buy a new pet. You may be questioning your decision to read this blog post right about now, but before you close the window, let me at least make my point; I’m obsessed.

I am most definitely obsessed with this plan I’ve just hatched (get it— hatched?). I’ve googled cockatiel related things way too many times over the past day and a half, and I even begged my husband to take me back to Omar’s today, just to play with the (already sold) cockatiels there. It’s definitely been one of the most popular thoughts on my mind of late, and I can certainly admit that it’s an obsession at this point. But the thing about that is… well, maybe it’s ok to be a little obsessed.

Obsessions aren’t always a bad thing. Yes, of course they are bad if they’re related to unhealthy habits or dangerous plans, and they definitely aren’t good if they get in the way of you living your life. But a little obsession every once in a while? Especially one that brings a little fun and joy into your life? That may not be the worst thing in the world.

Take my case, for example. My obsession with getting a pet bird would be a bad thing if I wasn’t eating, sleeping, or showering because of it. It would be bad if I was being reckless and deciding to buy a $10,000 macaw (which can live for over 100 years) without the proper budgeting or forethought about the future. It would even be bad if I was being impulsive and decided to buy a bird on the spot simply because it was cute and I thought it would be fun to have. But that’s not what I’m doing; I found something I like, researched all about it, carefully considered whether it was a good idea, checked to see if it was in our budget, and of course consulted with my husband throughout the process. And yes, I’ve been excited about the idea all the while, and it has given me something to look forward to.

Minor obsessions like this may seem silly, but I think they actually serve a purpose. At least for me, they are usually manifestations of mini hopes and dreams that I have for my life. Bringing a pet into my life could certainly bring me some joy and satisfaction, and even if it’s a little goofy to be so excited about it, who cares? I love pets, and as long as I’m responsible with them, then who could it hurt?

Sometimes, doing little fun things in life or making changes can go a long way in sustaining joy. And it’s not about searching for joy in places other than God, either; it’s about enjoying things that God created, enabled, or otherwise blessed you with, and thanking Him for that! As long as I know that Tweety will not be the one thing that makes my life perfect, then I say it’s harmless. God made the little joys in life, after all, and I’m pretty sure that he wants to see us to enjoy them.

So go ahead, start a new hobby and become minorly obsessed with it! Decorate your bedroom with a theme you love or posters of your favorite singer. Plan out your dream wedding, even if you don’t necessarily have the groom yet. And for goodness sake, go out and buy yourself a hamster, if that’s what you really want! (Just make sure you’re committed to taking care of it first.) After all, everyone could use a little obsession every once in a while.

Most of all, though, I’d encourage you to discover (or rediscover) the best obsession in the universe— an obsession with Jesus! (You know I had to throw that in there. =D)

P.S. Don’t forget to check back in next week! I just may have pictures of little Rocky or Lilo by then! =]