Dear Dad,

I’m sorry in advance for what you are about to read. Feel free to leave the page immediately.

Love,

Heather

 

I want a baby, and I want it now.

But of course, I’m not going to get my wish. Currently, my husband and I are still in college. He works part-time doing his web design business, but that is only a fraction of our income. The majority of our support comes from his generous parents, who are helping us financially while we are in school. For the time being, we are clearly nowhere near the best position to start a family.

We have a plan, though. (You know how I just love planning things). Besides doing school and running his business, my husband is also teaching himself computer programming (did I mention that he’s amazing?) With any luck, my brilliant husband will be skilled enough to find a decent job in the field within a year. A computer programmer’s salary is within the range of what we need in order to survive on our own financially, plus support a baby. In other words, we should be able to have a baby within the next two or three years! Sorry again, Dad. In all fairness, I did warn you.

As great as that sounds, it still feels like too long for me. I know, I know… there’s no hurry. People tell me that all the time. Yes, I am only 20 years old and I have my whole life ahead of me. But honestly? Every day that goes by, I feel more and more sure that raising children is what I was meant to do.For some people, the best years of life are the ones before marriage and especially before children. For them, everything after that first baby is born is pretty much downhill. Yes, they enjoy their family and love their children, but life is just never the same after having children— and that’s pretty much always a negative thing.

For me, though, I can’t help but feel that the best years of my life are ahead of me. This past year and a half of being married has been the best time of my life, and it’s only getting better. What could be more fulfilling than spending every day with the wonderful task of loving one’s spouse? Well, there may be one thing. To me, having a child is a natural extension to the love that we already share. It may sound crazy to some people, but I can’t wait to devote my life to caring for a baby.

I know I’ve posted about baby fever a few times in the past. This is different, though; what I have now is way beyond baby fever. I’ve been thinking about it every single day for the past two months, and I don’t see an end to it any time soon. Just last night I had a dream about Cody—my future son, and I woke up missing him if that’s even possible. The fact that I dream about my future babies by name should prove my point here! It may have started as baby fever, but now I feel fairly certain that I’m terminal. It’s not a phase, it’s me.

But of course, as I already mentioned earlier, we have to wait. Unless I miraculously win the lottery tomorrow (which believe me, I’ve hoped for) we’re in for another two to three years of waiting. And that is just something that I’m going to have to deal with.

The bright side is that I know that God does everything for a reason, and everything in my life works according to His timing. For whatever reason, He is making us wait. As much as I might wish that I could have it my own way sometimes, I know that ultimately, His way is always better. Lucky for me, God is helping me to be patient every day. He isn’t leaving me alone in my longing for a baby. In this time of waiting, I am relying on Him to give me purpose each day, and I’m finding that each day I can be joyful because I know that we are one day closer to our little miracles.