It’s that thing that our parents used to do every Thursday at 6:30 PM. It’s the secret ingredient that books entitled “How to Save Your Marriage” tell us to try. It’s that idea that sounds really nice and like a great plan in theory… but then never really happens. Or at least if it does happen it’s never really exciting and always seems to go exactly the same way. You know what I’m talking about— it’s date night.

One of the things that Cory and I have heard a lot about in regards to marriage is that sometimes, things get, well, stagnant. In fact, we’re not even married yet and we have already experienced this to some degree. We both get so caught up in our routines and day-to-day life that before we know it, we’re practically just coexisting. Sure, we still give hello and goodbye kisses and make small talk about how our day was, but in times like these we stop truly connecting. It’s only when we eventually realize what we’re doing that we wake up out of our daily busyness and take a step back, finally seeing each other for the first time in days. So we reconnect briefly, squeezing in some quality time together, and then continue on with our pattern. That is just the way it is; life is busy, and we just don’t have the time or energy to focus on connecting with our significant other every single day. Right?

Wrong! No matter how often I try to use it, the truth is that I do not believe in this excuse. Yes, life is busy. But if life is so busy that we don’t have time to actually connect to people, then what is the point? It is time to get our priorities straight.

Making time to connect to your spouse is a very basic need in a marriage, just like making time to connect with God is vital to your relationship with Him. You cannot expect your love to keep growing and flourishing if your relationship is essentially that of really good roommates. Keeping the flame alive means making your significant other a priority; work, chores, and taking time to wind down are all important, but your spouse is even more so.

So what are some ways to make sure you are connecting with your spouse?

First, I’d suggest spending daily time with God together. Read the Bible side by side when you wake up in the morning, and discuss what you thought and felt about the things that you read. Start the day in prayer together, asking God to be with and guide you both throughout the day. This is not only a great way to connect to each other, but a great way to connect to God and make sure that He stays at the center of your relationship.

Second, remind your significant other how much you love him or her before you separate and jump into the day. Yes, mornings can be busy and rushed, but taking a few minutes to hug your spouse and say “I love you” can make a huge difference in your relationship and in your day.

Third, try doing some small act as a gesture of love during the day. Send a text to remind your husband or wife that you love them and that you cannot wait to see him or her after work. Pick a nice flower and lay it on the table when you get home with a sweet little note. If you get home early, surprise your loved one by doing the dishes and starting to cook dinner. It can be small and spontaneous, but try to do something every day that will show your sweetie that you care.

Fourth, ask each other about the day and actually listen. Take turns running through the struggles and triumphs of the last eight hours or so, and when it’s your turn to listen, pay attention. Don’t interrupt, judge, or make annoying comments—just let your spouse talk and try to understand how he or she feels about what happened during the day. Give your significant other your undivided attention for a few minutes at the end of the work day, and chances are you will instantly feel more connected.

My fifth and last tip is the secret ingredient that I mentioned earlier, and the title of this post; date night!  Taking one night a week to get out of the house with your loved one is a great way to reconnect and spend some fantastic quality time together. A few words of advice about this are necessary, though: do not do the same thing every week, do not spend money you don’t have, and do not do something that will distract you from each other. You want this time to be meaningful, fun, and carefree. If you need some help with ideas, just google it! There are tons of great inexpensive, creative, and romantic ideas out there to try.

Ever since my fiancé and I were first advised to start a weekly date night, we kept saying what a good idea it was. We told ourselves that we would definitely have a date night every week or so… sometime in the future. There was the problem; we never actually did it. So this week, we finally did. We decided to plan a weekly date night and stick to it. To keep it interesting, we are going to take turns planning the date (I plan it one week, he plans it the next, etc.), and keep it a surprise. We had a great time on our date this week and I find that I am really looking forward to finding out what he has planned for next week!

Date night may sound clichéd and boring, but if you put in some effort you can make it fresh and fun. I hope you find that it reconnects you and your significant other and brings some romance and excitement back into your relationship and your life. Who knows? If you never stop dating your spouse, you may never stop falling in love.