Never Grow Up

I have a theory about people, myself included; it’s that people don’t grow up. More specifically, there is never a time when a person can say that they are fully matured, that they are done growing up. Sure, typically as people age from childhood to adulthood their bodies grow bigger and stronger, their minds grow sharper and more capable, and their emotions grow more mature and defined. But no matter how long people live, it seems, they still always have some growing to do.

One example that comes to mind is a certain elderly woman that I know. At the ripe age of 89, this woman seems to still have the attitude of a twelve-year-old girl. I don’t know if she was always like this, or if she regressed into this attitude as she aged, but I do know that she behaves this way on a regular basis now. What I mean by “twelve-year-old girl” behavior is essentially the eye-rolling, “I’m-always-right,” snotty attitude that she constantly exudes. She loves to pick fights with anybody who will listen, and she has no qualms about putting you down to get her point across whether you are a complete stranger or her own daughter. Of course, I see right through this behavior to the insecurity underneath, the insecurity that most twelve-year-old girls are still struggling with. I understand that this old woman is not just a mean person, but that she is struggling to prove her value to herself and the people around her. Because of that, I say all of this with no judgment, but with a sense of understanding and curiosity about the way that humans work. Yes, this woman is 89 but she seems to have never fully grown up. And let me tell you—she is not the only one!

About a week ago, my house had a bee infestation on the outside and we had to call in some bee experts to take care of it. One morning shortly after, there were some men working on the roof right outside my window, apparently fixing some problem related to the bee issue. I was woken up by a noise that sounded like somebody sawing through the roof, and looked out my window to see them working a few feet away. Even when they stopped sawing through the roof (or whatever they were doing) they continued to make a lot of noise by talking very loudly, including a bold use of profanity. Needless to say, my curiosity got the better of me and I sat around to listen to the conversation.

It was surprisingly interesting, because one of the men seemed very upset over a mistake he had apparently made. That’s not to say that I was enjoying his frustration by any means, but I found it fascinating to see how, well… childish he was acting. He kept saying things like “I did everything I was supposed to and I still made a mistake, so I guess I shouldn’t be in this business,” and “I can’t do anything right no matter how hard I try.” Basically, he was behaving a bit dramatically and immaturely about his problems. Meanwhile, his working partner kept trying to tell him not to take it so hard, saying that everybody makes mistakes and that he just needed to learn from them. Overall, it was a pretty strange conversation to overhear. Why? Because adults aren’t supposed to let their emotions get out of control or act immaturely; they’re supposed to be sophisticated, wise, and well… adult! Right?

I’m starting to think not. The older I get and the more “adult” experiences I go through, the more I realize that adults really aren’t that much different than kids. In fact, I think what it all comes down to is that we’re all just big kids in adult bodies, with a whole lot more responsibility. That’s the true difference, isn’t it—the fact that we have more responsibilities (and greater abilities to handle them) than we did when we were kids? At least that’s what it seems like to me.

For a long time, I’ve been waiting. I’ve been waiting to grow up, waiting until I reach that level of grown-up-ness that makes me a fully empowered individual. When I was younger, it was all about getting to high school, the time of true independence! High-schoolers were cool and mature—practically adults in my eyes!—and I couldn’t wait to be one. But once I got to high school, I realized that there were a few too many limitations. I still felt like a child, and I wanted to be truly independent. So then my focus turned to graduation. Graduation meant I would be free and I’d never be forced to go to school against my will again. Or, once again, so I thought. Once I graduated and was officially done with high school, I realized that I still wasn’t a true adult. I had limitations to my freedom. So I set my sights a little higher, and it became all about turning 18. By that time I could drive and I had a lot of freedom already, but turning the official age of adulthood would mean that I could truly do whatever I wanted. Right? No, actually, I was wrong again. Because once I turned 18, I realized that I still had to live with my parents and was thus still practically a child. When would it end?! Well, a few months later, I hoped. Because that was the real deal, the truly most adult and independent milestone imaginable: college.

College meant moving out and moving in to my own new dorm room. It meant being free to choose my own classes and do as well or as poorly as I saw fit. It meant being able to do whatever I wanted at all! Except that, well, it didn’t. Because I still had one adult experience in mind that I wanted very badly but had not yet attained. And that, of course, was marriage.

I thought that marriage would change everything. I thought that I would finally be an indisputable adult, as mature and responsible and grown up as anybody else out there. And when my wedding day finally came and went, I felt quite satisfied with myself. I was officially grown up. Until, yet again, I realized that I wasn’t. Because I am still living with my parents, and I am still not fully independent, and to be honest I just don’t feel grown up yet, because I’m not ready to handle everything on my own! And that was when I started to notice something in other so-called grown-ups, and I started to understand the truth. You see, no matter how many responsibilities I gain and milestones I reach, I will still always have so much growing up to do. And, as I’ve noticed, so does everybody else.

For now, I think it’s best to just love the age that I am, in all senses of the word. I have to love my literal, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual age for what it is right now, because otherwise I’ll never stop to enjoy it. I have to realize that I will still act like a child sometimes because I am still a child in some ways—we all are! But I also have to never stop growing, maturing, and becoming a stronger person. Becoming stagnant in your age never seems to lead anywhere good, after all. I guess what I am trying to say is this; never stop growing, but never grow up—because you can’t. Most importantly, don’t put too much stock in your age, because it truly is just a number. Wisdom and maturity can come from anybody, no matter how “grown-up” they are, and growing is still possible at any age.

 

2 comments

  1. Heather ~ I just found your blog and LOVE it. You are a very talented writer and your faith and love for the Lord shine through your words. I have enjoyed reading through all of your posts. Please let us know if y’all ever get the opportunity to visit New Orleans. We’d love to have you!
    Chrissy

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