On August 21^st of this year, Cory and I celebrated our second anniversary as a married couple. Even though this post is late, I wanted to continue with the tradition I started last year of writing an anniversary post to reflect on the past year in our lives. It’s been a crazy one, so please forgive the length! Without further ado, here is what happened in our second year of marriage.

We started off the year having just moved into an apartment in a new city, about an hour and a half away from our hometown where we both grew up, met, and got married. Leaving our family and friends behind to live in an unfamiliar place was a bittersweet change. We were excited to see what God has in mind for us, since we felt fairly certain he was pulling us towards this new place, but we were also sad to be farther away from our loved ones.

Since our move, we have come to love this city. Most exciting of all, we’ve seen at least a few of God’s reasons for moving us here, and they are definitely for our benefit. This town is much more affordable for us than our hometown in Orange County, yet it still has the safety and beauty of a Southern California suburban city. It’s the place where Cory has found his dream job and where we have found an amazing church. There is no doubt about it; this is the place where we are now happy to call home, and where we hope to raise our family.

When we began our second year of marriage, we were living on the generosity of Cory’s parents, who were supporting us while we went to school. Our plans were to earn our bachelor’s degrees, land jobs as a programmer and an elementary school teacher, buy a house, and then after a few years, have our first child. We were trying to be patient with that timeline, even though waiting 5-6 years to have a baby was a disappointing thought to both of us. Since then, things have changed so much that it truly is nothing short of a miracle from God. By the time our second anniversary rolled around, we were settled in a beautiful house, fully supporting ourselves on Cory’s fantastic job, and in the process of trying to conceive a baby. We didn’t get there overnight, though. Our journey this past year has been an exciting ride!

We’ve had a lot of things to celebrate this past year. Both Cory and I had our 21^st birthdays, and although neither of us really care for alcohol, the excitement of reaching the legal age for buying it was still there. Turning 21 is one step further into adulthood and autonomy, after all, and we were both happy to reach that milestone. This year we also celebrated our first Christmas living on our own. We bought a tiny three foot tall Christmas tree and decorated our apartment with the few decorations that we had. Although we went to visit family for the actual holiday, I will always have fond memories of our first Christmas in our own place. Yet another exciting milestone this year was our five year anniversary as a couple, in February. It’s hard to believe how much we’ve changed since we first met at 15 and 16 years old!

This year also brought some big, and unfortunately sad changes in my family. My mom’s marriage ended abruptly, leaving her and my little brother Justin (and their dog, Indie) stuck in Missouri with no place to go. Cory and I offered to let them stay with us, so they drove back to California and moved in that month. Because of the ugly way everything went down, I lost relationships my step dad and two younger step sisters. My heart was also broken for my mom and Justin, whose family was torn apart. It took my mom a little while to get back on her feet, and it was quite an interesting arrangement, having a young married couple, a single mom, a pre-teen boy, two large dogs, a cat, and one noisy cockatiel all in one apartment. We made it work as best as we could, but we were relieved when they moved out in February, and I was glad to see them putting their lives back together. This year was a sad time for Cory’s family, too, as they had to say goodbye to Cory’s grandmother, Katherine, when she passed away at 90 years old. Although the end of life is always sad, the family was able to find peace knowing that she’d lived a long and full life.

Finding a church in our new city was a surprisingly challenging task. It took us until January to find the church we now call home, and that was after many weeks of searching. But we did eventually find Passion Life Church, the week after its very first service. Being a “baby” church, it’s still new and small, but we have high hopes for it to grow into something amazing. We’ve already learned and grown so much from the people who we’ve met there. The most important lesson we’ve learned is that faith is powerful, and that God wants to give us an abundant, full life. Our faith and love for God has certainly grown since we became a part of this family.

Things have also changed a lot in our own little family. We started the year off with a household consisting of us, our dog Marley, our cat Booda, and our cockatiel Rocky. In April, we decided to bring another bird into our family and adopted a baby cockatiel, who we named Samson. It was a lot of fun to see him and Rocky getting to know each other, but unfortunately, we soon became aware of a big problem. We had hoped that Rocky, who had developed a highly unpleasant screaming habit, would improve if he had somebody to keep him company. To our great dismay, Samson did not help Rocky’s screaming, and instead only added another voice to the ear-splitting cacophony. Still, we tried to grin and bear it because we cared deeply for our little feather-babies. After a few months however, we realized that the noise was making us miserable and keeping us from really enjoying our pets. We decided to find a new home for them that was more accepting of cockatiels’ natural noisiness. It didn’t take us long to find a cockatiel-loving lady who was looking for some new friends to add to her home. Although we were sad to see them go, Rocky (who we’ve been informed is actually a female, and is now named Roxy) and Samson are clearly happier in their new home, and we could not have found a more devoted owner.

And so, we were back to being a one-dog-one-cat family. It didn’t take long for us to feel that there was a space to fill, though. One day in June we decided to “just look” at some of the dogs available for adoption in our area. The next day, we had a new fur-baby. We adopted a small, fluffy, white dog who we named Sky, and unlike with Samson, there was no looking back. Sky is an incredibly affectionate, sweet, and adorable addition to our family, and even though Marley politely ignores her in a typical grumpy-old-dog fashion, we know he secretly likes having her around.

As our second year of marriage went by, Cory and I began to realize that we wanted a baby sooner than our earlier plans had entailed. And so, back in December, we came up with a plan to hopefully speed things along. Although we were both still taking college classes full-time, and Cory was also running his small business on the side, he took on yet another challenge and began teaching himself computer programming. Our hope was that he could find a job to support us and a baby, so that we wouldn’t have to wait five or more years after all. We didn’t know if it would work, but we hoped and waited.

At the end of May, our hopes were met and exceeded as we began one of the most exciting and turbulent times in our lives so far. Within a two week period, Cory applied to, interviewed for, and was offered a job as a programmer. It was, and still is, his dream job and we are continually amazed at how blessed we’ve been. God is awesome! He didn’t stop there, though. Cory’s job put us into the perfect position, financially, to have a baby. And since our apartment lease was ending soon, we decided to start looking at houses for rent. We felt it would be better for us to rent for the time being, rather than buy, and we figured that a house would provide a better place to have a baby than an apartment. We looked at only a few houses before we found one we loved—with a price we loved—and we eagerly applied. Within 24 hours, we got the news that we’d been approved! Even though our apartment lease wasn’t quite up yet, we worked it out so we could move that week. To top it all off, a few days before we moved, I discovered that I was pregnant. Talk about a crazy month!

After all of those events, we were overwhelmed with joy and excitement. We could see God’s hand so clearly working in our lives. Everything was falling into place, and we were on the precipice of having the lives we’d been dreaming of. Perhaps it was because we took our eyes off God and started to focus too much on our circumstances, or perhaps it was simply because we have an enemy who wants nothing more than to destroy our lives and our faith, but for whatever reason, that was when things took a turn for the worse. In August, after about 7 weeks of pregnancy, I had a miscarriage and we lost our baby, who we named Sam. That was a very hard time for both of us.

Fortunately, our second year of marriage didn’t end there. God brought us out of that sad place and into a place of increased faith and hope. Through the loving support of our friends and family, and the incredible guidance of our church family and pastor, we were able to heal and grow from this tragedy. Although we will always miss Sam, we will see her someday, and we know that she is not the only baby we’ll ever conceive. We have hope that we will become pregnant again soon, and that I will have a healthy full-term pregnancy.

As we look to the future, we are excited and eager to see what God has in store. I feel confident that this year will bring the biggest change yet, a baby who we can care for and love with all of the passion and commitment that we’ve been blessed to share so far in our marriage. As for the other areas of our lives, I think things will be much more stable this year than they have been so far. We love where we are in life; the only thing missing now is a baby, and we are so ready for this next chapter in our lives. That in itself is a miracle, considering where we were at the beginning of the year, and all of the glory for that goes to God. He is so good.

Cory,

Thank you for the last two years, my love. I can’t wait for what’s ahead. <3

I love you forever and ever.

Yesterday, my hubby and I were discussing our concerns about the way that most people seem to view marriage. For many people, it seems that relationships in general are considered to be mysterious and unpredictable. In this view, whether or not a marriage will work depends on luck and statistics more than anything else. After all, you can’t control how you feel and you never know if one day you might just fall out of love! And if that happens, then divorce is the best solution, because you deserve to be happy, right?

Wrong, wrong, wrong! I mean, yes, everybody has the right to strive for happiness, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But when it comes to love, there is more to it than this. Love doesn’t just exist to make us happy, and it is not something that we should only look for from other people. Love can bring us great happiness, but it can also test us and bring us sorrow. And in any case, the greater gift is not receiving love, but giving it to others.

When it comes to relationships and marriage in particular, love is first and foremost a choice. It is a verb, not a noun. Your relationship doesn’t depend on whether or not you manage to capture and hold on to love— it depends on your ability to give and receive it no matter what else happens in your life. I know that I will never get divorced or separated from my husband, because I choose to love him no matter what. Fortunately, he also promises to do the same. Because of that, I know that not only will we always be together, but we will always be happy together. That is what we choose.

I find it tragic that so many other people settle for less. They chase after romance and the rush of falling in love, and ditch out at the first sign of boredom or commitment. People leave their husbands, wives, or significant others with the excuses of “I just don’t love him/her anymore,” or “we’ve drifted apart,” or “I’m too young/old/rich/poor/ugly/pretty/mature/immature/various-other-excuses to be happy with this commitment.” Relationships are valued for what they can give you, instead of what you can give to them. Possibly even more tragic than the breakups and divorces, though, are the cases in which people stubbornly stay in miserable relationships. They refuse to leave, which can be a good thing, but they also refuse to do something about the situation. The point of a relationship isn’t to make you happy every minute of every day, but neither is it to turn you into a hardened, miserable, joyless person. The point of a relationship is love, to give and to receive, and staying in a relationship that doesn’t involve love is not any better than leaving one. The third, and in my opinion the only suitable option, is to make a change. Unfortunately, that often seems to be the last thought for many people.

I understand it to some degree. I know that change can be hard. In fact, sometimes even wanting to change can be hard. The problem is that people, by themselves, often lack the right attitude and willpower to desire and then follow through with necessary changes. And because of that, things never get better. Eventually, they are bound to fall apart.

While we were talking yesterday, Cory jokingly said that there should be some kind of law to ban divorce except under extenuating circumstances. Then, after thinking about it, he revised his idea to just making it harder to get married. But even this, we realized, would not fix the situation. There is no good way to legally prevent people from getting married or divorced. The problem isn’t with the system, it’s with the people. Thinking about this led me to a conclusion that I find myself coming to quite often, with a plethora of different problems. As usual, the answer is God.

You see, our world has a major problem. The problem is us. I mean, it really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that we’ve made a nasty mess out of things on this planet. Trying to think of ways to solve all of our world’s problems usually makes me feel depressed, because I quickly realize that we can’t solve much of anything. We can alleviate, sometimes, but rarely if ever can we actually solve the issues in our world. It’s just the sad truth, the reality of who we are as humans. There will always be evil, greedy, corrupt, violent, apathetic, and heartless people in our world. To be honest, there will always be evil, greedy, corrupt, violent, apathetic, and heartless moments in each of us. For as long as we are human, we will make human errors. There is nothing we can do to change that, and so our problems will never be solved by us.

But God is not us. He is not human. (Despite the fact that Jesus was human, he was also simultaneously God, and honestly this is a topic for a whole separate post so I’m not going to get into it now.) Because God is, well, God, he can solve any and all problems. And one day, He will! Until then, though, we at least have something that can change the whole equation of our human + relationship = fail situation. You see, God provides help for us.

God can change attitudes, provide strength, offer encouragement, and bring hope. He can heal broken relationships, strengthen mediocre ones, and give endurance to great ones. He will do these things for the people who seek his help. God is the secret ingredient that can protect and preserve a marriage forever, if you let him.

When it comes to relationships, I understand and realize that not every one of them is meant to last. Before the commitment to marriage is made, it is fair and understandable to leave a relationship, even a long-term one, for the right reasons. But the key words here are for the right reasons. In my opinion, a relationship should never be entered if you don’t believe that this person could be someone you would one day choose to marry. Dating just for fun may sound good, but there is a difference between dating and being in a relationship. As soon as you give a piece of your heart to someone, and take a piece of theirs, you are in a relationship. That may mean different things for different people, but I don’t believe that it should ever be taken lightly. Love is capable of causing great ecstasy, but it is also capable of causing great wounds. In any romantic relationship, even if you have not made any commitments or promises to each other, you have the power to deeply wound the other person. With that power, comes great responsibility.

The first relationship a person has is usually not going to be their last, and that may be unavoidable. Still, a great deal of pain could be avoided if we took love more seriously and gave as much concern to the other person as we give to ourselves.

Love isn’t always easy, but it doesn’t have to be a game of chance. It can be chosen, and with God’s help, it can last forever. I’m in the process of proving it right now.

On February 24, Cory and I commemorated our five year anniversary as a couple. I didn’t write a post about it because it wasn’t our wedding anniversary, but I wanted to at least say something. Five years deserves some bragging rights, doesn’t it? 😉

Happy belated five year dating anniversary honey! I love you forever and ever! <3

For the past two weeks, my husband and I have been going to a weekly event at our new church called “Couples Connection.” It’s a four week Bible study/class for married couples, aimed at strengthening and/or improving marriages. While Cory and I have been doing really well, we are always open to opportunities to make our marriage even better. This class has been really great so far, and I wanted to share some of the things that we’ve learned.

The theme of the class is “What’s it like being married to me?” In other words, we are each looking at our own behavior and attitudes towards our spouse to figure out what we can improve or continue doing, so that our marriage can grow stronger.

The first week, the session was framed around the question was “Am I his/her biggest fan?” We focused on thinking about how the things we do either build our husband/wife up or tear him/her down. For example, when we have conflict, as all healthy marriages do, we can either make it destructive or constructive. Destructive conflict involves attacking the person, whereas constructive conflict involves attacking the problem. When we work through conflict together as husband and wife, we need to focus on finding a solution to the problem, not attacking the other person.

The words we say also have a lot of power in a marriage. Our words and our hearts should be truthful and loving. Vowing to tell the truth consistently, completely, and kindly is extremely important for establishing and maintaining a deeply trusting relationship. It is also very important to use words of affirmation to let our husband/wife know that we love, appreciate, and admire them. As a wife, I need to remind my husband that I believe in his ability to lead our family. As my husband, Cory needs to remind me that he cannot do it without me. We are in this life together, no matter what, and it is our job to remind each other that we’ve got each other’s backs. My husband and I have been working on using our words to build each other up, and reminding each other that we are, in fact, the other’s biggest fan.

Last week, the question was “Am I keeping the flame alive?” We learned about four ways to either tend or neglect our romantic relationship. We need to give each other attention, affirmation, affection, and adventure if we want to keep the fire burning. On the other hand, we neglect our spouse when routine leads us to pass each other by, when we stop putting in effort, when sex becomes a task, and when boredom and complacency are the norm.

My husband and I made a vow before we got married that we would not only never get divorced, but that we would have a happy and healthy marriage. To us, it is not enough just to tough it out and stubbornly refuse to get divorced no matter what; we want to make sure that we never get divorced because we would never, ever, ever, ever, ever want to. In order to make sure that we stay happy and healthy, Cory and I know that we can never stop working on our marriage. Otherwise, we could end up in the dreaded roommate-style marriage, where we act more like coexisting roommates than a married couple.

The things that we learned last week are so important to keeping our romance alive. We have to make sure that no matter how busy or stressed out we may be, we make time to notice and connect with each other every day. Right now, Cory and I are together all day every day, so it’s really not a problem. But someday, when we have kids and jobs outside the home and all sorts of crazy things on our schedules, we will need to remember this. The pastor teaching this class said something last week that I think every family should think about; he said that what kids need most are happily married parents. While I know that this isn’t technically true, from a child-development standpoint, I think the idea is valuable. Kids don’t need a mile-long list of extracurricular activities to be successful and happy when they grow up, but having a family that is harmonious and happy is extremely important. Making your marriage a priority is not only good for you, it’s good for your kids. Part of that means taking the time to connect meaningfully with your spouse every day.

Another important thing that we have to do is to give each other affirmation. As I already said, reminding each other that we believe in the other can go a long way. Affection and intimacy are also, obviously, a huge part of keeping the flame alive. Sex should never become a task , chore, or obligation; if it does, then something must be done to change that. To experience the true intention for marital intimacy that God planned is one of the greatest gifts in life. Sex can be an act of worship when it’s enjoyed within a marriage, and it reaffirms the connection between a husband and wife.

Affection in other forms is also extremely valuable. A simple hug, kiss, or caress is an easy way to remind your honey that you love him/her. Saying “I love you,” having conversations, or even just keeping each other company are all ways to show affection. Whether you’ve been married for one week or 50 years, these things should never become obsolete.

The last way to tend a relationship that we learned about last week is to give your partner some adventure. Boredom is an enemy to romance! Although planning outings together takes time, effort, and money, it is a vital ingredient to a lasting marriage. Doing fun things together doesn’t have to be a huge affair— it can be as simple as making a special dinner, lighting some candles, and giving each other massages. That being said, it is important to try to do new things, too, to keep things interesting. Planning a surprise activity every now and then can be a great way to add some spice to a marriage.

Cory and I have already started to use many of the things that we’ve learned in this class so far, and we’re excited to learn more ways to make our marriage the best that it can be. I’m loving being married to him more and more every day (which says a lot, since I already loved being married to him so much!) and my goal is for that to never change.

On August 21^st, Cory and I celebrated our first anniversary as a married couple. I wanted to write a post about what this first year has been like and our hopes for the many years to come.

Looking back at the time that has passed from our wedding day until now, it’s hard to believe that it has only been one year. We first moved in together at my parents’ house and created our first bedroom as a couple, a space that was all our own. Then, about six months later we moved into a great little apartment in Aliso Viejo and experienced the joy of living in our first home that was all to ourselves. Just over two weeks ago, we moved yet again and decided to venture out a little bit further this time, moving into our new apartment in Riverside County. While three moves within one year of marriage may seem like a lot, we have enjoyed the journey knowing that our true home is wherever we are together.

Besides our living arrangements, many other things have changed for the two of us throughout this past year, particularly our career paths. I decided to leave my university and pursue an Associate’s degree instead, hoping to make a career as an author. Cory left the university as well, a few months later, and jumped into a business venture to start a solar panel installation company. When it started to look like he was going to be successful enough to support us, I considered the possibility of us starting a family and me becoming a stay-at-home mom. I planned to focus on my family and write novels on the side instead of building a career.

Later, it became clear that my husband’s solar panel business was not going to get off the ground because of a lack of funding, and we decided to move on for now and potentially revisit the idea in the future. When that happened, I realized that I didn’t really have a great plan for my future, and I started to think harder about what I wanted to do with my life. It was then that I discovered a gift and a passion that I have for teaching children. With that in mind, I tentatively started to research options for returning to school, this time focusing on online programs that better suit my learning style. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for me to discover that financially, education beyond the junior college level was no longer within my reach.

Meanwhile, Cory started to refine his own career plans, and came up with the idea of becoming a programmer. It would be fairly easy for him to learn the necessary skills, and a job like that would provide plenty of income to support us. What he really wanted to do, though, was (and still is) to start businesses. Entrepreneurship is his passion and the thing that he dreams of making a career out of. Unfortunately, our financial situation while we were discovering all of this was not optimal. We were by no means struggling to survive, but neither did we have enough extra income to support my new educational goals or his business goals.

After a lot of thinking, researching, and praying, God provided us with a solution. Cory’s parents made an extremely generous offer to support us while we go to school to earn our Bachelor’s degrees, as well as to pay for the costs of school itself. Within the next few days, we found a university with the perfect programs for both of us. I am now working towards my degree in liberal studies, with an emphasis in multiple subjects teaching, which will lead me straight into a teaching credential program when I’m finished. I estimate that I have about three more years until I earn my Bachelor’s degree. Cory is working towards a degree in business administration with an emphasis on entrepreneurship, and he will be finished in about three years as well, according to our estimations.

When I have completed my schooling, I hope to start working as an elementary school teacher right away. Of course, the job market for teachers in California may not be the best right now, and I can’t guarantee that I will be able to find a job at all. But instead of worrying about it, I’m trusting God to provide a way for me. This is where He seems to be leading me, so this is where I will go in faith.

After Cory earns his degree, he plans to become a programmer and run businesses on the side, until he has gained enough experience to secure more funding for some of his bigger ideas. His business degree will only help him to be more successful and potentially more appealing to lenders who could loan him much-needed business capital. Until then, his earnings as a programmer should be more than enough to support us, especially since we will (hopefully) have my income as well.

We are hoping to start a family as soon as we have enough extra income to support it, which we think will be in five or six years. To be honest, that feels like a long time to wait for me, because I really want to have children! But at the same time, I know that we have to make responsible decisions for ourselves and our kids. Plus, one of the great things about getting married young is that there is really no rush to have kids! I still have over a decade of potential child-bearing years ahead of me. And Cory and I are going to enjoy our years of freedom from the responsibility of parenthood. After all, this is the only time that we will have to enjoy our lives with just each other. Once we have children, there is no going back and we will forever be a family of more than two— and quite possibly a lot more than two!

Obviously, we have a lot of high hopes for the future, and I am very excited to see where life is going to take us. The last year has been amazing, and I have loved being married for every minute of it. I’ve often heard that the first year is the hardest in a marriage, and if that’s the truth then we definitely have nothing to worry about! Our first year has only reaffirmed our decision to get married when we did, despite the obstacles and cynics that often seemed to block our path. Simply put, marriage suits us well. Of course, I know that our success so far has very little to do with us and everything to do with God, who is the center of who we are as individuals and as a couple. I am eager to continue growing into a better partner for my husband over the next many years to come, which I can only do with God by my side.

Thank you for being a wonderful husband, honey! I could never have asked for anyone better. One year down, 70+ to go!

😉